For me, the main purpose of the Democratic debate last night was comic relief. Who cares if the Hollywood writers are on strike and we can't listen to John Stewart or David Letterman tell dumb jokes ? Those writers aren't nearly as funny as the podium posers running for president on the donkey ticket, and when you read about the debate coverage today, all you will hear about is how well Hillary did on the attack-o-meter scale. I guarantee you won't hear much about policy issues, and you won't hear anything in depth. Our media doesn't do 'in depth'. They do sound byte. That's why the debaters only get 30 seconds to answer. 'In depth' isn't even allowed. That's a total ratings snooze, dude. How B-O-R-I-N-G. This isn't political debate, it's infotainment. It's a reality game show. Who had the best one liners ? Who got dissed ? Who scored points ? Who fell on his face ? Who should we vote off the island ? As for CNN (the Cutesy News Network), could they have found more ways to bring up driver's licenses for illegals ? You'd think that was the number one issue on the minds of the american public from the way they went on and on about it, but I doubt if any of us even thought much about it until it became the new hot topic at the last Democratic pseudo-debate. Offhand, I can think of about a hundred issues that are way more important (but not with as much potential for a real catfight onstage. Maybe Jerry Springer should have moderated).
For a full transcript of the Democratic debate comedy extravaganza, go here.
Anyway, since it was just infotainment, here are my nominees for funniest lines of the night:
1) Dennis Kucinich (in response to the driver's licenses for illegals question)
"I take issue with your description of people being illegal immigrants. There aren't any illegal human beings; that's number one. Number two, they're undocumented".
Hilarious. Actually, illegal immigrants is EXACTLY what they are. I read the following analogy on a blog the other day and will quote it now in response to Krazy Kucinich: Calling illegal immigrants 'undocumented workers' is like calling drug dealers 'unlicensed pharmacists'. You're an idiot, Dennis.
2) Wolf Blitzer (on his question that was nothing but an invitation for Obama to start criticizing Hillary, which is what the Cutesy News Network ratings wizards wanted)
"Let me bring in Senator Obama, because you've been among those critical of Senator Clinton. You've suggested she's triangulating, whatever that means, on some of the key issues".
'Whatever that means ?' Hey, Wolf, if you were going to ask a question about triangulating, maybe you should have taken it upon yourself to LEARN WHAT IT MEANS. What a maroon. There's the consummate CNN professional at work for you.
3) Barack Obama (in response to Blitzer's aforementioned question)
"Senator Clinton, I think, is a capable politician, and I think that she has run a terrific campaign. But what the American people are looking for right now is straight answers to tough questions. And that is not what we've seen out of Senator Clinton on a host of issues, on the issue of driver's licenses for illegal immigrants".
What made this funny was Obama's own tortured response to the driver's licenses for illegals question later in the same debate. Obama couldn't run away from the fact that he was for them when he was in the Illinios legislature, so he gave a long and very qualified answer to a yes/no question posed by Blitzer, very similar to what Hillary did at the previous debate. You could tell Obama wished he could have just answered no, but he couldn't. Obama's words about Clinton might as well have been said about himself.
I just realized I could go on all day with examples of unintentionally humorous lines from the Dems. Hillary's complaint about Edwards slinging mud at her was really funny, since she barely says anything without slinging mud at Bush and Republicans, but I'll resist, because I don't want this post to be too long. I'll switch gears instead.
The best line of the debate, in my opinion, also came from Obama, who, in an argument with Hillary over whose universal health care plan was the best, said , "And I don't think that the problem with the American people is that they are not being forced to get health care". Aha ! Even in a Democratic debate, the truth leaks out sometimes. Obama pointed out here that the way the Democrats are going to achieve universal health care is by FORCING PEOPLE TO BUY IT ! That's their great 'help' to the american people. Gee, thanks a bunch, Dems. How did we ever surive this long in the land of the free without being forced by the government to buy health care insurance ? Must just be dumb luck. It takes a village to take your money, you know.
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