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All Da King's Men

Eight Days To Paradise On Earth !!!

By Da King Published: January 12, 2009

I know I'm pumped up. Our new president-elect, Barack Obama, will take office in eight short days, and CHANGE will come to America. Yeah, CHANGE, baby ! Woo-hoo ! Hope will be coming as well, and who doesn't like hope, especially when it's combined with CHANGE ? Count me in !

As his first CHANGE, Obama will try to pass the largest economic stimulus package in history, larger than the previous largest economic stimulus package passed by George W. Bush. See, a Bush stimulus package isn't CHANGE. An Obama stimulus package is CHANGE. Obama said Congress needs to act fast to implement his $1 trillion stimulus package, and that the consequences to our economy will be dire if Congress doesn't act immediately. Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson said nearly the exact same words about the $800 billion financial bailout, but clearly, Obama is for CHANGE, while Paulson definitely isn't for CHANGE. Obama's stimulus package is quite short on specifics about how the money will be spent, just as Paulson's bailout was, but don't let that confuse you about who the CHANGE guy is either. Have a nice glass of Kool-Aid instead, and don't worry your pretty little heads.

And definitely don't think about who is going to pay for all this government spending. That will only bum you out, possibly interfering with hope. Just keep repeating the CHANGE mantra. It's simpler. Much simpler.

The terrible ogre Bush ran federal deficits during his tenure as president, and Obama the CHANGE guy has already promised to do the exact same thing. Obama, however, is going to create jobs. That really would be a CHANGE, and Obama keeps upping the job creation ante, which is more good news. On the campaign trail, Obama promised to add 2 million American jobs. Then it went to 3 million after he was elected. Yesterday, he pushed that number to 4 million, so obviously, Obama is a great president already, and has exceeded expectations. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets up to 5 million, or maybe even 6 million imaginary jobs created by his inauguration day. Happy days are here again.

Not only is The One going to put a chicken in every pot, he's going to bring us universal health care too. As to how he will provide 45 million uninsured people with comprehensive health care insurance and not drive up government spending even more drastically (health care already comprises 25% of government spending), well, we don't really have an answer to that, but I'm guessing Obama will wave his magical CHANGE wand and make that happen effortlessly. They don't call him the Messiah for nothing. If you have absolute faith in the infallibility of our new president, you will believe it too. If you don't have absolute faith, then you are probably an obstructionist GOP evildoer bent on the destruction of all that is good. You are an enemy of truth and light. Just ask my pal the Reverend over at the Blog Of Mass Destruction on He knows. The sole purpose of the Republican party is to destroy America. I can't exactly remember why the Republicans would want to do that, since they are part of the America they would be destroying, but ask the Reverend. I'm sure he has a theory.

Another wonderful part of the new CHANGE coming to America is that Obama is going to cut taxes for 95% of us. Isn't it marvelous ? I am super-psyched about that. Not only is Obama going to spend tons of money to help us and drive up the deficits, but with the new CHANGE, we don't even have to pay for it !!!!! Is that a sweet deal, or what ? It's like living in Alice's Wonderland, where nothing has to make sense, and reality doesn't have meaning. For those of you paying attention, it might seem like cutting taxes, increasing federal spending, and running deficits is the exact same thing that Bush did, but you are missing a vital CHANGE fact. Look at the two names of the presidents. 'Bush' is spelled B-U-S-H, while 'Obama' is spelled O-B-A-M-A. Clearly, they are totally different. Not at all the same. CHANGE is as CHANGE does, and life is like a box of chocolates.

So, party on CHANGE-sters ! It's all good. Obama is even going to have the most expensive inauguration in history, all in the middle of what Obama himself calls the most serious economic downturn since the Great Depression. Money doesn't even matter anymore (because in the end, you won't have any). It's fan-freaking-tastic !

CHANGE, CHANGE, CHANGE !!! I can't get enough.

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