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All Da King's Men

FDA Makes Food Illegal

By Da King Published: June 21, 2009

The latest out-of-control federal government agency that has succumbed to excessive moonbattery is the Food And Drug Administration. In an attempt to crack down on health claims made by food manufacturers, Obama's FDA is targeting...are you ready for this???


I wish I was making this up, but I'm not. Because a box of Cheerios has a statement on it that says eating Cheerios can help lower cholesterol (which oat bran does do), The FDA is in a tizzy. This is from a letter the FDA sent to General Mills:

"Based on claims made on your product's label, we have determined (Cheerios) is promoted for conditions that cause it to be a drug because the product is intended for use in the prevention, mitigation and treatment of disease."

So, the FDA says Cheerios is a drug now. That's just great. Thanks for cluing me in to Cheerios' grave and gathering threat to America, Big Brother. Don't know what I'd do without y'all. On the bright side, Cheerios was NOT declared to be an enemy combatant, so liberals are not demanding civil rights be granted to Cheerios.

I'm sure glad I bought a box of Cheerios at the grocery store this morning before the FDA crackdown forces me to get a prescription from my doctor to buy it. I wonder how long it's going to take the FDA to realize that every single thing we put in our bodies has some type of drug-like effect. Once the food Nazis make that realization, they can regulate EVERYTHING. Oh wait, they already DO regulate everything. Well, they can regulate it more.

And to think, I thought it was silly when the FDA banned cherry flavored nicotine products last week, while still leaving nicotine legal. That's like banning lime-flavored vodka while still leaving vodka legal. It has NO effect. For those of you out there who may be thinking, 'but, but, CHILDREN like cherry flavored stuff. They are doing it FOR THE CHILDREN.' Please keep in mind that children cannot buy nicotine products, so banning cherry-flavored nicotine is meaningless (but it does make Big Brother look like he's taking action. That's the important thing).

An addendum to the flavored nicotine product ban - The FDA made an exception for MENTHOL flavored cigarettes, because, you know, lots of people actually SMOKE THOSE, and the government needs the tax revenue from cigarettes. It's nuanced, not to mention laughably hypocritical. Statistics show that the biggest menthol smokers are women and black people. I guess those misogynistic and racist liberals running the FDA now don't care if those groups die off (that's the argument liberals would be making if conservatives were doing this, so I thought I'd throw it in).

If the government wants to start going after food manufacturers in it's continuing war on the private sector, why would they start with Cheerios, anyway ? Cheerios is a pretty health product. Why don't the food Nazis go after, say, Ho-Ho's ??? According to recent estimates from the Rubberat Ministry Of Truth, a Ho-Ho can sit on the grocery shelf for about 235 years and not spoil. Nobody knows for sure how long a Ho-Ho will last, because the Ho-Ho's outlast the scientists conducting the research. The scientists all die of old age, but the Ho-Ho's go on forever. I don't even think Ho-Ho's are food, technically. They are probably polymer plastic of some sort.

As long as Cheerios is being considered a drug, and if doctors will soon be controlling the supply of those dangerous O-shaped opiates, I think General Mills should go ahead and develop cherry-flavored nicotine Cheerios. That way, we'll only have to fill one prescription to get our recommended daily allowance of both items.

I also want to cast my vote for making brussel sprouts illegal. They smell, and they look like alien space pods. If there's a food conspiracy afoot, brussel sprouts is in the middle of it. Notify the Truthers.

FREE CHEERIOS !!! No justice, no peace.

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