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All Da King's Men

Gore Brings Peace On Earth

By Da King Published: October 15, 2007

global warming

Global warming cult leader and rightful heir to the american throne, Al Gore, has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, proving once again that who you know is infinitely preferable to what you know when it comes to the Nobel committee. Gore takes his place in the pantheon of illustrious peace activists and Nobel winners from the past, among them Yassir Arafat (PLO), Jimmy Carter (PLO), and probably David Duke (KKK). Co-winners of the peace prize were the IPCC, which I think stands for Interdependent Partisans for Crowd Control. The IPCC consists of a group of absolutely objective scientists whose grant money and careers depend on finding that man-made global warming is real and that it is a serious, serious problem. Using the techno-speak of Der Leader Gore, the IPCC wanted to know if "the planet has a fever". After studying the data (and before studying the data too), shazaam !, the IPCC found that, yes-sirree-bob, man-made global warming IS real, and it's going to pretty much destroy the earth. They also found that lots of IPCC funding increases would be needed to study the problem further. It's kind of a circle of life thing. We are not allowed to ask these same scientists why, only some 30 short years ago, they thought the planet had a chill, because back then they were predicting an ice age. Looking behind the curtain is strictly forbidden. I'm told a few years at a liberal re-education camp (american university) will usually cure this tendency toward remembering the inconvenient truths of history.

Not wanting to be left out of the global warming jihad, the Nobel committee, in a logical masterstroke (or some kind of stroke), decided that carbon dioxide levels are the key to peace on earth. Forget about freedom, poverty, and hunger, man. That's old school. Passe. Today, it's all about the CO2, baby, and when you think CO2, you think the Goremeister, and not only because Gore's carbon footprint covers half of Tennessee. Gore made a movie too, so he's a big time Hollywood player now. I hear he even knows Madonna personally. Gore's movie was one of those sci-fi scare flicks, where New York City is underwater, the ocean current stops moving, and stuff like that. The usual death and destruction. Not very believable, and hardly any character development either. Gore is stiff, as usual, because, after all, he's Al Gore, he's always stiff. I give his movie a C minus. Not a good date movie at all. I recommend you wait for the video, but don't drive to the video store to rent it without purchasing carbon offsets. Gore is available for local premiers of the movie, and will fly his private jet to a theater near you for the right price (which has no doubt gone up now that he is a Nobel laureate).

So, it's been a pretty good year for Al Gore. I'm happy for him, because he might have been president if his supporters were smart enough to fill out a simple ballot correctly in 2000. Darn the luck. Who knew you were supposed to punch a hole through those things (the directions notwithstanding) ? We must be setting the voting bar too high. Maybe in the future, we can have voters just point and grunt at a picture of the candidate they want. That way, nobody will be 'disenfranchised'. We sure don't want to tax our brains just to elect a president.

I have to mention one fly in the Goreacle's ointment. Some pissant British judge ruled that before Gore's Nobel laureate masterpiece movie can be shown in British schools, that the 9 major scientific errors in it must be corrected. Guess we better give that Brit a Nobel Warmonger Prize for casting aspersions on our Gorewellian hero, eh ?

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