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All Da King's Men

Groundhog Day All Over Again

By Da King Published: February 2, 2009


A famous American weather forecasting animal, the groundhog named Punxsutawney Phil, emerged at Gobbler's Knob this morning and allegedly saw his shadow. As we all know, that means we're in for six more weeks of winter. Sigh.

I say Punxsutawney Phil "allegedly" saw his shadow because, as it turns out, Groundhog Day isn't just a weather forecasting tool (and a funny Bill Murray movie), it's also a vast Gobbler's-wing conspiracy. It seems nobody really knows or cares if Phil sees his shadow or not every year. The result is determined in advance by 14 poobahs from the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, collectively known as the Inner Circle (sorta like a groundhog Illuminati).

My friends, we've been scammed. The little groundhog can't predict the weather. Double sigh. Say it ain't so.

This brings to mind another famous weather forecasting tool, Al Gore, who recently emerged from his energy-sucking mansion in Tennessee to inform us the earth will only support human life for four more years due to

global warming climate change. The Goreacle's Illuminati are referred to by the acronym IPCC, which I think stands for International Purveyors of Carbon Credits ( or something like that). The IPCC consists of 2,500 scientists who are certain that global warming climate change isn't just a theory, it's a fact. Since 2,500 scientists could never be wrong ( even though they were wrong about global cooling in the 1970's), who are we to question them ? We're just peons, and they are SCIENTISTS. Case closed. As the Goreacle says, "the debate is over." Let's kill all the cows ( the number one source of "unnatural" carbon dioxide emissions) and run all our vehicles on solar or wind power ( also referred to as "peddling").

Like Forrest Gump, that's all I have to say about that.

Well, except for a few other inconvenient truths I'd like to share, such as...

- The planet has experienced no global warming since 1998. During that time, the Earth has cooled. (link)

- Over 31,000 American scientists say there is no convincing evidence of man-made global warming, or evidence that it will cause catastrophic weather changes on the Earth. (link) This brings up a mathematics question. Are 31,000+ American scientists more than 2,500 IPCC scientists ?

- IPCC scientists have been caught promoting fraudulent data to promote their global warming hypothesis (link)

- The proposition that Greenland's ice sheet is shrinking is suspect, and the Antarctic ice is growing (link)

Now, I'm the first one to admit I don't have the answers, but neither does Al Gore (who is NOT a scientist, btw). The debate is not over, so when you hear the Goreacle say something like this:

"[Global warming] would bring a screeching halt to human civilization and threaten the fiber of life everywhere on the earth....If we stopped global greenhouse gas emissions today, according to some scientists ... we would [still] see an increase in temperatures that many scientists believe would be extremely challenging for civilization...If we continue at today's levels, some scientists have said it can be an increase of up to 11 degrees Fahrenheit." - Al Gore testifying in front of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee last week.

There really should be an accompanying laugh track.

The bad news is, President Barack Obama buys into the Goreacle's future shock scenario, unproven though it is. Obama would implement the onerous cap and trade system to control carbon emissions, and his stimulus bill contains lots of money to combat global warming (how will that stimulate the economy again ? The point keeps eluding me).

But Obama doesn't believe in global warming when it comes to HIS lifestyle. He's been turning up the White House thermostat, because, darn it, it's COLD outside (cue the laugh track):

"He's from Hawaii, O.K.?" said Obama's senior adviser, David Axelrod. "He likes it warm. You could grow orchids in there."

You see, Obama only believes in global warming when it comes to YOUR lifestyle:

"We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times, and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK." - Barack Obama, May 2008.

Do as I say, not as I do.

Same as it ever was. It's Groundhog Day all over again.



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