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How The Evil Koch Brothers Are Ruining America

By David King Published: March 3, 2014

As mentioned in my last post, progressives believe two evil and greedy guys known as the Koch Brothers are destroying democracy, ruining America, buying elections, killing Bambi, selling drugs to kids in schoolyards, conspiring with Satan, etc. Senate Majority Liar, er, I mean, Leader, Harry Reid (D-NV), accused the Kochs of "buying America". He called them "unAmerican" for having the sheer audacity to oppose President Barack Obama and donate money to like-minded groups. Progressives know this opposition to the great and all-knowing Obama and his Democratic party cannot be tolerated in a free country. They know people don't need TOO many choices in a democracy, when just one choice, the Democrats, would suffice quite nicely. Progressives are just tolerant and inclusive that way.

On behalf of my progressive friends, I'm going to illustrate today exactly how the Koch Brothers are "unAmerican" and "buying America". Are you ready ? This is frightening stuff, so put down your coffee cup before you read the following material.

Here's what the evil Kochs have done to disrupt the 2014 midterm elections and pervert democracy - they have spent money for their candidates of choice. Those bastids !!! Here's how much the Kochs have spent, according to the Washington Post:

Americans for Prosperity -- a 501(c)(4) funded by David and Charles Koch -- in Senate races so far this year.  AFP has dropped $27 million on ads -- including $13 million in five Senate contests -- as of early February.

To make matters worse, the Kochs almost surely plan to spend a lot more money before election day arrives. See what I mean ? They are pure evil.

Caveat - although the big-spending Koch Brothers are evil, they are not to be confused with well-heeled Democratic donors such as George Soros or Tom Steyer. Mr. Steyer  plans to spend $100 million on climate change ads during this election cycle. You haven't heard any progressives complain about him or Soros, so they must be, you know,...different somehow. Unlike the Kochs, Mr. Steyer apparently is NOT trying to buy elections, you know, because, um...well, it beats me. Sounds like he's exactly the same as the Kochs. You'll have to ask some progressives how it's "different" when their side does it, because I don't see ANY difference at all.

To further illustrate how those evil Republicans are buying elections, I turned to OpenSecrets.org, which tracks campaign spending. Here are the campaign fundraising totals for the 2014 midterms to date - Republicans have raised roughly $333 million for 596 House and Senate candidates, and Democrats have raised $292.3 million for 444 House and Senate candidates. Doing some quick division, this means average spending to date for a Republican candidate is $558,724, while the average spending for a Democrat candidate is only $658,333. You can see from this that the Republicans are clearly buying electio....hey, wait a minute. The average spending for Democrat candidates is HIGHER. Crap. That's the trouble with trying to put forth these progressive narratives. The darned facts keep getting in the way (hmmm. Maybe I should tell everybody that OpenSecrets.org is run by Fox News or something. Progressive brains cease to function if you mention Fox News. Drives them batty). I also wonder if anyone will notice that Koch Brothers spending only amounts to about 8% of GOP midterm spending so far. I hope not. Don't wanna queer the hypothesis put forth in the title of my post. The Koch Brothers are gonna have to be a lot MORE evil if they really want to impact the midterms in a meaningful way.

Maybe I could go back to the previous election cycle to illustrate how those evil Republicans are buying elections. Checking....let's see...in the 2012 presidential elections, Obama raised $738.5 million and all 10 Republican candidates combined raised $625.4 million. Damn !!! The Republicans raised less AGAIN !!!  A lot less. Those pesky facts are really becoming bothersome now, and OMG, does this mean Obama BOUGHT THE ELECTION ?!?!?!?! Perish the thought, progressives. I don't want you to hurt yourselves contemplating that one. Let's Moveon.org to some more convenient facts of a progressive bent.

In the 2012 House and Senate races, Democrats spent approximately $789.4 million on 841 candidates, and Republicans spent $1.1 billion on 985 candidates. That averages out to $938,634 per each Democratic candidate, and $1.1 million for each Republican candidate. Now we're talkin' !!! This time the Republicans actually spent MORE per candidate. In true progressive fashion, I will ignore all statistics except for this one, the one that fits the agenda.

See, everyone ? I told you so. THE KOCH BROTHERS ARE BUYING THE ELECTIONS !!!! It's right here in black and white !!! Let's organize a protest !!!

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