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All Da King's Men

No Country For Old Mac

By Da King Published: February 25, 2008

old man

I'm going to do a David Letterman impression, and give you my top ten reasons why John McCain will lose to Barack Obama in november.

1. Iraq.

McCain actually wants to put MORE troops in Iraq. He wants a surge on top of the surge. It seems the old soldier (who has three children in the military, btw, so the chickenhawk argument doesn't fly here lefties) has some crazy idea that america can succeed in Iraq. Can you believe that old coot ? America, WIN a war ? He must not be in touch with reality. How can the world's lone superpower possibly win a war against such a technologically advanced foe like Al Qaeda and the insurgents ? Impossible, and Barack Obama knows so. He will pull our troops right out of there, and consequences, shmonsequences. Who cares if Iraq then descends into chaos ? Who cares if the extremists take over that country ? Who cares if it destabilizes the entire Middle East ? Let those Muslims kill each other. Not our problem, even though we were the ones who tore Iraq open. It's not like we depend on Middle Eastern oil for our economy to run or anything.....oh, well, yeah, I guess we do. Strike that last part.

In fairness to Obama, he did say he might put the troops back in if Iraq does descend into chaos after we leave, but maybe he should strongly consider the likelihood of such a possibility BEFORE HE PULLS THE TROOPS OUT. I'm just saying. Taking a responsible and cautiously considered position on Iraq wouldn't play as well for the Obama campaign as 'End the war in Iraq now !' though. His fans like to keep things simple.

2. McCain is a Republican.

What can I say, this ain't the Republicans year. You could call it getting Bushwacked.

3. McCain is old, Obama is young.

One word: Television. Back in the old days, McCain's experience and accumulated wisdom would be a strong selling point, but now it's who looks good and who sounds good. We don't have time to think about what the candidates are actually saying, only about how they look saying it. Hope and unity, baby ! Yes we can ! Change you can believe in ! Take the first star and straight on till morning !

4. Getting out the vote.

Obama will, McCain won't. Check out the difference between the number of voters in the Democratic primaries and the number in the Republican primaries this year. It's almost two to one in favor of the Dems. That spells LANDSLIDE come november.

5. The mainstream media.

Always worth 15 points to the Democrats. ALWAYS. This year may be the first time that the Dems don't need it to win.

6. Health care.

Obama promises universal health care and McCain doesn't. End of story. Like I said, you gotta keep things simple for the sound byte generation. McCain has about 30 ideas to make health care better on his website, but nobody wants to hear all that when Obama is saying 'health care for everyone, and cheaper too !'. Never mind that Obama won't be able to deliver universal health care, and if by some remote chance he does, it will be a disaster, and anything but cheaper. It's all about hope, remember ? Did you know that Harry Truman proposed universal health care in 1950 ? I didn't either until yesterday, when Ralph Nader said so on Meet The Press. Ralph is running again, but this year, unlike 2000, it won't make a difference in the outcome of the election.

7. Republicans nominated the wrong guy.

It's called selling your soul, Republicans. It's how you got into this mess. Will you guys ever learn ?

8. Bush fatigue.

McCain will be portrayed by Obama as Bush II, and most of the country will agree. The country wants a change from the Bush policies, to put it mildly.

9-10. Okay, I don't have two more reasons, but these lists have to contain 10 items. I think it's a law, somewhere in the Constitution (probably the 10th amendment, eh ?). I could talk about the dissolution of the different factions of the Republican coalition, or the natural ebb and flow of the political tide, due to the fact that over time we want to change political parties much like we change underwear, and for the same reason. But instead, I'll just spare you from any more of my rambling. Hey, stop applauding.

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