I've been looking for a candidate to support for president this year, and now one has popped up from a most unlikely place. That candidate is Paris Hilton. Watch Ms. Hilton's hilarious political video here, before you read any further.
Paris shoots, Paris scores. Take that, John McCain. That's what the Wrinkly Dude gets for using Paris in one of his political ads. Paris also doesn't engage in cheap vacuous sloganeering like the Change Guy (Barack Obama) does. She is a substantive candidate, but definitely outclasses the Change Guy in the style deparment too. I mean, can you imagine Obama in a bikini ? Ewww. Paris also wears the latest designer fashions. That's style, my friends. As proof of her substance, I'll repeat Paris Hilton's energy policy here, which leaves the Change Guy's plan in the dust.
“Why don’t we do a hybrid of both candidates’ ideas (drilling and alternative technologies) ? That way the offshore drilling carries us until the new technologies kick in, which will then create new jobs and energy independence. Energy crisis solved. I’ll see you at the debates, b—–s. ...I’m Paris Hilton and I approve this message ‘cause I think it’s totally hot.”
Right on, Paris ! Your message IS totally hot. You have demonstrated the ability to be post-partisan and unite the American people. You are the change that the Change Guy only pretends to be, and you definitely aren't the same as Bush, like the Dems claim the Wrinkly Dude is. It's true that Paris doesn't have any foreign policy experience, military experience, management experience, business experience, or executive experience, but neither does the Change Guy, so that apparently makes no difference. The presidency has been declared an entry-level position by the Democrats for this election cycle.
Also, Paris is a rich heiress. That doesn't hurt. Obviously, Republicans love rich people. Everyone knows that. Bush called them his "base" a few years back, and the Dems really like rich people too, even though they pretend they don't. I mean, the wife of the Dems last presidential candidate, John Kerry, was a rich heiress, just like Paris. You figure it out. Money talks.
Paris Hilton in 2008 - Change We Can Believe In.
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