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All Da King's Men

Seeking The Democratic Presidential Nomination

By Da King Published: March 7, 2008

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My fellow americans,

I have a dream, a dream of a shining city on a hill, where the buffalo roam, and seldom is heard a discouraging word. For now the skies ARE cloudy all day, my friends. As Dr. King said, "The thrill is gone, the thrill is gone away from me". We are not thrilled with the status quo. We are not thrilled when we have to work five days a week while pampered movie stars have lots of money, big mansions, and ride around in limousines. I ask you, is this justice ? Is it justice when Rosita, an undocumented worker, has to clean multi-millionaire Barbra Streisand's house for a few hundred dollars a week ? That is not justice. That is not america. No justice, no peace. I will take Mrs. Streisand's profits away and give them to Rosita who deserves them. Let Mrs. Streisand clean her own toilets, and let Rosita ride in the limousine. Yes we can !

If you have ever thought there was anything wrong in the world ever in your entire life, then I am your candidate, because I too have thought there were things wrong in the world. I am just like you. I bring not only change, but real change, and not only real change, I bring REALLY real change, that you can believe in with all your heart, from here to eternity, forever and ever, amen. I am courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. I have been to the moutaintop, I have seen other people's money, and I'm going to take it from them and give it to YOU, all my children. You who deserve that money so much. All you have to do is vote for me, and I will set you free. No longer will you have to work like a slave for things like food, shelter, clothing, and video games, for I will give them to you for free, because you deserve it. Yes we can !

No longer will you have to worry about how you will pay your car insurance or be held hostage by the cable television company, because I will make sure that every citizen in this country has his or her car insurance and cable tv bills take care of. Why should some rich man like Brad Pitt get 250 television channels when Jenny Pratt, a 25 year old waitress from Youngstown, Ohio, with three children and no baby daddy, only gets channels 2-14 ? Is that justice ? The bureacrats in Washington, D.C. say yes, but I say NO. Is it justice when your next door neighbor has three cars while you have only one ? I say NO. As president, I will take that car from him and give it to you, my friend. You who deserve it. No longer will we endure the tyranny of our neighbors having more than we do. No longer will we have to keep up with the Joneses. When I am president, we will ALL be the Joneses. Some say these things could not be done. Some say these things would not be done. Some say these things should not be done. Some say I'm as dumb as a bag of hammers, but I say, yes we can ! Yes we can ! Keep hope alive ! We will, we will rock you ! We will, we will rock you !

Now, some of the naysayers look at my campaign of ecstasy and utopia for all mankind and they say "King has no experience," or, "King's proposals aren't practical," or "King is insane in the membrane". These nattering nabobs of negativity don't want me to give your neighbor's car to you. They don't want me to give you free tv and millions of dollars you didn't earn. They don't want me to give you Nintendo Wii or force Domino's to deliver free pizzas to you door upon request. And why ? I'll tell you why, my children. It's because they are GREEDY, that's why ! They want all those Domino's pizzas for themselves, and they want YOU TO PAY FOR YOUR OWN PIZZA. That's fascism, my friends, plain and simple, and my campaign is about freedom. As president, I will be free to give you anything you want, and I will give you everything your heart ever desired ! Yes we can !

Other naysayers claim "King has no substance on the issues", and that's a debate I'm happy to have. Let me dispatch that notion right now, by proposing substantive solutions to some of this nation's other problems. In my first week in office, I will - end the war, stop trade to end the trade deficit, outlaw corporations (only the big, evil ones), give you all money so you don't need jobs, make school optional and free, erase all american borders, and make health care free. There, problems solved. Did I miss anything ? If I did, just drop me a line, and I'll take care of it in 10 words or less. Thank you for your support.

Yes we can !

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