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All Da King's Men

The Candy Man Can

By Da King Published: October 7, 2008

barack obama

I was sitting around the cave last night, wondering 'What is it that some people see in Barack Obama that I don't see ?' Why don't I get that tingle up my leg when Obama speaks ? Why can't I see that he is The Messiah, The One, The Once And Future King ? With a name like Da King, I should be able to recognize the KING, shouldn't I ?

But alas, like Obama says, I just don't get it. I don't get how adding more and more government to this already unimaginably large and bloated federal government bureaucracy is the answer. Logic tells me Obama is exactly the wrong recipe for these economic times. Logic tells me Obama will be an unmitigated disaster as President. Logic tells me Obama may well kill America.

So, I thought maybe a couple drinks would help me see Obama's light. But after a couple drinks, Obama still didn't make sense to me, so I had a couple more drinks. Then a couple more, and so on, and so on.

And eventually, 12 beers and nearly a fifth of Jack Daniels later, just as my last brain cell was about to blink off to Neverland, it hit me. I had an epiphany, a REVELATION !! I GOT Obama !! OMG !! I-saw-the-light !!! And I saw that it was good.

You see, I had been looking at things the wrong way (sober). While I was busy analyzing issues and pondering tax policy, spending policy, and the issues, using LOGIC, I had missed the most obvious thing of all, something that anyone who has ever watched a Disney movie knows, something that even a child knows. Forget about logic. That isn't useful. It only gets in the way. All that is required is to realize that...


You musn't ask yourself how Obama can raise spending by a trillion dollars and cut taxes for everybody at the same time, a logical impossibility. No, no, no. Don't even think about things like that. In fact, don't think at all, that is where you are going wrong. Don't worry your pretty little heads, children. Just remember, Obama is magic. He will bring all good things to all people. Just have a little faith. Obama is magic. He will make it ALL taste good. He is............The Candy Man ! Yippee ! C'mon kids, sing it along with me:

Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew
Cover it with choc'late and a miracle or two
The Candy Man, oh the Candy Man can
The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good

Don't ask yourself how Obama can be so unbelievably naive as to think Iran will suspend it's nuclear program and abandon it's plans to destroy Israel just because Obama meets with them and tells them they are bad boys. No, no, no. Just remember, the Candy Man can ! Obama will turn all those crazy Islamofascists into fuzzy wuzzy Care Bears ! C'mon kids, let's sing !

Who can take a rainbow, wrap it in a sigh
Soak it in the sun and make a groovy lemon pie
The Candy Man, the Candy Man can
The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good

Don't bother thinking about all of Obama's wealth distribution schemes, or the fact that he spouts Marxist ideology, which is based upon stealing the fruits of a man's own labor. Don't say to yourself, 'why, the more we pay in taxes, the less money we'll have.' Don't bother thinking about where this march toward a government takeover of all aspects of society will lead. Don't worry about liberty. No, no, no. Don't think at all, because Obama is The Candy Man ! He'll make it ALL taste good ! C'mon kids, let's sing !

Oh, who can take tomorrow, dip it in a dream
Separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream
The Candy Man, oh the Candy Man can
The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good

Vote for Obama, The Candy Man, and you'll never have another care in the world. You'll never have to think again. Everything will be free, magically delicious, and covered in creamy chocolate, with sugar and a cherry on top, because he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good.

Yippee !!! ZZZZzzzzzzzzz......



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