Good evening, ladies and germs. Welcome to the Parma Laugh Factory. Our first comedian tonight will be none other then the President Of the United States, Barack "Shecky" Obama, live right here in Cleveland, Ohio. Without further ado, heeeeer'es Barry !!!:
Obama: "I ran for President because for much of the last decade, a very specific governing philosophy had reigned about how America should work: Cut taxes, especially for millionaires and billionaires."
Ha ha. Very funny, Mr. President. You campaigned on cutting taxes for 95% of Americans, and you did it. I guess you forgot about that. You also bailed out all kinds of rich fat cats with your half of the TARP funds. Then you bailed out the powerful union special interests with your stimulus package, and gave a big gift to the health insurance companies when you mandated that all Americans purchase health insurance.
Obama: "[Bush] Cut back on investments in our people and in our future -– in education and clean energy, in research and technology"
LOL. What a kidder. What planet were you living on during the Bush years, Mr. President ? Federal spending SOARED under President Bush. Spending on social programs from education to health care grew at a rate unmatched since the 1960's. Bush was the biggest spender since FDR. Well, at least he was until you came along, Mr. Obama. You ARE Bush, but on steroids.
Obama: "Job growth between 2000 and 2008 was slower than it had been in any economic expansion since World War II -– slower than it’s been over the last year."
A-ha-ha-ha ! Stop, Mr. President, my sides are hurting. Bush's record on job creation isn't sterling, but unemployment rates were in the 5%+ range for most of his 8 years in office. That's pretty good, plus Mr. Comedian, we've LOST 2.4 million jobs since you became President, with unemployment at 9.6%. I wouldn't be braggin if I were you...but you ARE funny. I'll give you that.
Obama: "a [Bush} failure to pay for two wars and two tax cuts for the wealthy helped turn a record surplus into a record deficit. I ran for President because I believed that this kind of economy was unsustainable."
Whee-doggies ! That's a real thigh slapper ! Almost swallowed my gum on that joke. Mr. President, if you thought what Bush was doing was unsustainable, why the heck are you doing the very same thing, only five times as much of it ? You cut taxes, shot spending into the stratosphere, and ran up $2.5 trillion in debt in a year-and-a-half on the job. You are the all-time king of unsustainable.
Obama: "There were no new policies from Mr. Boehner. There were no new ideas. There was just the same philosophy that we had already tried during the decade that they were in power -- the same philosophy that led to this mess in the first place:"
Oh no he didn't ! Ha-ha ! I'm almost in tears now. What Boehner proposed was to freeze spending at 2008 levels. That is totally different than anything Bush ever did. What you propose, Mr. Standup President, is to keep right on spending, EXACTLY LIKE BUSH DID, but bigger. You're certainly a hoot, Barack.
Obama: "I believe government should be lean; government should be efficient. I believe government should leave people free to make the choices they think are best for themselves and their families, so long as those choices don’t hurt others."
Aw, hell no ! I'm dyin' ! AHAHAHAHAHA !!!! Obama the spend-a-holic says government should be lean, people should be free to make their own choices ????? Git outta here !!! He never heard about how he's FORCING people to buy healthcare ? He hasn't heard about how he's burying this country in debt, or how he's generated 2,300 pages of financial regulations and given the regulators the power to make up the rules as they go along ? Too much ! This has to be his showstopper joke.
Obama: "this week, I’ve proposed a six-year infrastructure plan that would start putting Americans to work right away."
heh-heh. I though that started over a year-and-a-half ago with your stimulus package. What, the $105 billion you already spent wasn't enough ? Now you need $50 billion more as a down payment ? Whatever you say, jokester.
Obama: "When they passed these tax cuts in 2001 and 2003, they didn’t want everybody to know what it would do to our deficit, so they pretended like they were going to end, even though now they say they don't."
Good one, funnyman, but not true. Here's why the Bush tax cuts had a sunset provision. From Wikipedia:
EGTRRA [the Bush tax cuts] will sunset on January 1, 2011 unless further legislation is enacted to make its changes permanent. The sunset provision sidesteps the Byrd Rule, a Senate rule that amends the Congressional Budget Act to allow Senators to block a piece of legislation if it purports to significantly increase the federal deficit beyond a ten-year term. The sunset allowed the bill to stay within the letter of the PAYGO law while removing nearly $700 billion from amounts that would have triggered PAYGO sequestration.
The 2001 Bush tax cuts had a sunset provision because that was the only way they could pass those tax cuts. Only a jokester con-man like Shecky Obama would pretend it was because the Bushies didn't want the public to know about deficits (which are plain for all to see). Good joke though, Mr. President.
Btw, 12 Senate Democrats voted for those Bush tax cuts. They wouldn't have passed without the help of the Dems.
Obama: "With all the other budgetary pressures we have -– with all the Republicans’ talk about wanting to shrink the deficit -- they would have us borrow $700 billion over the next 10 years to give a tax cut of about $100,000 each to folks who are already millionaires"
You are a real scream, sir. A regular laugh riot. You've already put us in the red by $2.5 billion in eighteen months. You're on pace to accumulate $9-10 trillion in debt over 10 years. You proposed about $180 billion in new spending last week. You have $1 trillion in ObamaCare spending on the way. Your 2011 budget request is a spending increase of about $900 billion per year over 2008 levels. You have annual deficits over a trillion bucks........and you think the $70 billion per year in lost revenue from the Bush tax cuts is the problem ??? Are you on crack ? It's definitely time for a random drug test at the White House.
And now for the real showstopper....you will simply not believe this one.........
Obama: "I am absolutely committed to fiscal responsibility."
Hoo-boy. Call the ambulance. I'm done. As they say in the world of comedy, Obama killed........every last one of my brain cells just exploded. This line from Obama is literally the best campaign ad soundbyte I've ever heard in my life....for Republicans.
The only thing missing from Obama's speech was a laugh track.
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