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All Da King's Men

The Twelve Percent Solution

By Da King Published: June 23, 2008

monkeys

In Gallup's annual institution poll, they found that only 12% of Americans have confidence in the the Democratic-led U.S. Congress. That is not only the lowest ranking ever for Congress, that's the lowest ranking of any institution in the history of the Gallup poll. Congress is looked upon so poorly by Americans that beleaguered president George W. Bush appears to be a rockstar by comparison. Bush's confidence rating is a soaring 26% percent. Congress even ranks a tick below the universally reviled Health Maintenance Organizations (HMO's got a 13% confidence rating).

I think it's time to get Democrats Tom Daschle and Joe Biden on the Sunday morning political talk shows to spin this into something positive, as they attempted to do on television yesterday regarding Barack Obama's flip-flop on public campaign financing. Daschle was spinning so badly on Chris Wallace's Fox News Sunday show that he couldn't even keep a straight face while he was doing it. Literally every word that came out of Daschle's mouth was an outright lie. Biden was a little more honest on Meet The Press (he at least admitted that Obama flip-flopped. Daschle wouldn't even do that), but not by much.

Could it be that such furious spin is part of the problem ? If we could harness all the wind coming from the halls of Congress, we might finally get a handle on our energy situation.

Or is it simply that gasoline is over $4 per gallon and Congress is blocking domestic oil production ? It seems like the Democrats are intentionally working AGAINST American interests in that area. Or maybe it's all the wasteful spending by Congress, the pork, the pandering, the vanishing jobs, the national debt, the outsourcing of America, the entitlement tsunami, or the fact that our Senators and Representatives seem much more interested in playing 'Gotcha' political games with each other than in solving the problems we face.

Whatever it is, I'm here to tell you that your worries are unfounded. Congress put it's finger on the pulse of Americans last week and has solved one of the most pressing problems we face as a nation....

The sale of pet monkeys.

That's right. The House voted to spend $5 million of your taxpayer dollars on the prevention of interstate pet monkey sales. I know you'll be interested in the vote roll call on this major issue, so here's a link to that.

Whew. What a relief. No longer will there be gangs of wild monkeys ravaging the American countryside. The scourge has ended. It's safe to go outside again (but not it you live in the nation's capital, Washington D.C.). Plus, I hear Congress is going to address the urgent issue of underinflated bicycle tires next (hey, it's a hazard !), following a much deserved two-week break. Lord knows how many all-nighters our Representatives had to pull to build a consensus on the monkey thing.

I'd like to say something to the 12% of American who DO have confidence in Congress....

What are you 12% smoking ? Congress couldn't find it's butt with both hands. Everything that is happening there now, and I mean everything, is driven by hyper-partisan political considerations. It's a total disaster. Some people would say, 'oh, that's just how they act in an election year'. Okay, fine, but remember this - EVERY OTHER YEAR IS AN ELECTION YEAR. That means Congress is in almost nonstop campaign mode. It makes Congress irrational. There is no other explanation for America being dependent on Saudi Arabia and Venezuela for oil, and one party (begins with a 'D') taking no steps to stop that. Drilling in ANWR alone could result in NO Saudi oil imports for 20-30 years. Oh, and btw, ANWR is a subzero wasteland 8-9 months out of the year. Only irrationality can be responsible for people referring to a nearly uninhabitable desolate frozen tundra like ANWR as being "pristine". This means you too, John McCain. Wake up already, Mac. ANWR is a pimple on the world's backside, but it has oil. Let's get it. We WON'T be bothering the caribou.

Sorry, I didn't mean to start talking about oil again, but the insanity surrounding the issue is making me crazy. If Congress can't even get this issue right, then there really isn't any hope for them at all.

But good job on the monkeys.

You morons.

Oh, and if you are ever around a Congressperson who says we shouldn't drill in ANWR or offshore because we won't get the oil for another 5, 10, or 15 years, punch him/her in the mouth. I'll pay your bail.

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