I had intended to write about the first day of the Democratic National Convention this morning, but man oh man, what a bore that thing was. There really isn't much to say. It was a completely scripted content-free pap-filled hokey Hollywood snoozefest (but the music wasn't bad). The big news was that Michelle Obama loves her country and the Obamas are a nice normal family, sort of like the Huxtables from the Cosby show. What a shock ! I thought she was going to dress as a Black Panther and say she hated AmeriKKKa. Please, Democrats, I KNOW when I'm being manipulated, especially when you make it so obvious (and I just loved the fake deference to Hillary, when Michelle O referred to the 18 million cracks in the glass ceiling. I bet that just mended all those fences between the Clintons and the Obamas. Yep).
So, instead of talking about Jimmah, Nan, Teddy, and the rest of that coma-inducing crew, I'm going to print the sequel column to "You Might Be A Liberal If..." by John Hawkins, since I printed part one last week. Here it is:
25 Reasons You Might Be A Liberal (Part 2) by John Hawkins
With yet more apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, you just might be a liberal if...
* You blame the oil companies for high gas prices, but believe in doing everything humanly possible to keep them from drilling for more oil.
* You'd have no problem with a Democratic President talking with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad or Kim Jung-Il without conditions, but would be very upset if he started seriously negotiating with Republicans over national security or energy issues.
* You don't see a conflict between "supporting the troops" and trying to insure that they lose the war that they're fighting.
* You think the solution to an underperforming economy is higher taxes, more regulations, and publicly attacking businesses, but don't understand how that relates to the phrase, "The beatings will continue until morale improves."
* You're surprised that people don't think you're patriotic just because you were photographed not holding your hand over your heart during the national anthem and made a big deal out of refusing to wear a flag pin.
* You tell everyone who'll listen that Bush is "worse than Hitler" and that Republicans are fascists, but you never stop to consider that if that were true, you'd be dead or in a gulag already. (Hey, I used something similar to this one in yesterday's blog post !).
* You think Christmas songs at school plays shouldn't be allowed because they might offend people who don't believe, but don't understand what the problem is supposed to be with government funded "art" that defiles Christianity.
* Your idea of "reparations for slavery" is white people who have never owned slaves giving money to black people who were never slaves, more than a hundred years after slavery ended.
* You "assure us that deterrence will work, but when the time comes to deter, (you're) against it." -- Ann Coulter
* You think celebrities are just exercising their right to free speech when they criticize conservatives, but believe that the celebs are having their First Amendment rights abridged if anyone criticizes them for their comments.
* You called George Bush, "George Herbert Walker Bush," and George Allen, "George Felix Allen," but think someone referring to Barack Obama as "Barack Hussein Obama" is a racist.
* You think we should give condoms to thirteen year-olds because "they're going to do it anyway," but feel that we can get rid of every gun held by criminals in the U.S. simply by making them illegal.
* You think Anita Hill was telling the truth about Clarence Thomas, but Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Linda Tripp, Dolly Kyle Browning, Sally Perdue, Kathleen Willey, and Juanita Broaddrick -- among many others -- are all lying about the Clintons.
* You "are willing to do whatever it takes to defend the American public from terrorists...as long as the French and Germans say it's OK."
* You continually claim that we don't do enough for the poor, but you want to add 12-20 million more of them to the ranks by giving illegal aliens American citizenship.
* You blame "society" for creating the conditions that turn people into criminals, but you don't think that gives "society" even more of a moral obligation to lock those criminals away so that they won't hurt innocent people.
* There's a conflict between America and any other country, over just about any topic, and you're more likely to side with the other nation than your own.
* You believe that fanatical Muslims who want to fly planes into our skyscrapers aren't a serious threat to the U.S., but Christians are.
* You think we can improve our health care system by putting the same government that brought us FEMA, ICE, Airport Security, and the IRS in charge of it.
* You believe that conservative criticism of Barack Obama's abilities is primarily driven by racism, but actual race-based criticism leveled at Clarence Thomas, Michelle Malkin, and Condi Rice by liberals obviously has nothing to do with race.
* You live in a great and free nation like America and can use phrases like "audacity of hope" or "speaking the truth to power" without the slightest hint of irony.
* You say, "Why do they hate us?" when America is attacked and "we're just furthering the cycle of violence" when we retaliate.
* You generally mean "threatening to the interests of the Democratic Party" or "Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton needs some more money" when you use the word "racist."
* Your first thought after hearing that someone who publicly criticized murderers actually murdered someone himself is, "What a hypocrite!"
* You tell anyone who'll listen that our elections are fraudulent and then you fight tooth and nail to prevent states from requiring a photo ID to vote.
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