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A Toast to Civic Pride!

By RD Heldenfels Published: August 25, 2006

You've probably seen this new survey of ''America's Drunkest Cities.'' (If not, you can link here.) It's obviously a sham.

I've heard ''the beer that made Milwaukee famous'' enough times in my life (as well as telling that ''beer that made Mel Famie walk us'' joke) not to argue about the city that is number one. I take issue with Cleveland ranking seventh.

Seventh for my urban neighbor to the north? That doesn't even make it Ohio's drunkest city, since Columbus ranked higher.

While I have no doubt that Ohio State fans helped considerably in getting Columbus ranked, I doubt their ability to keep up with Cleveland. Does no one remember 10-Cent Beer Night in 1974? Or the bottle-throwing Browns fans of 2001, who made newscasts nationwide?

Didn't anyone notice that one of the standing sets on ''The Drew Carey Show'' was a bar?

Seventh is an insult. And I say that with a clear mind. I don't drink.

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