Andy Borowitz's humor column makes me laugh pretty often, and today it made me laugh hard. An excerpt:
Facing ten felony counts after his ill-fated attempt to acquire sports memorabilia, O.J. Simpson announced today that he would attempt to reassemble the jury that found him not guilty in his 1995 murder trial.
Speaking to reporters in Las Vegas, the former football star said he would "spare no offense" to find the twelve jurors who set him free twelve years ago.
"This current case is a very complicated one -- maybe even trickier than my murder trial," Mr. Simpson told reporters. "It's important that we have a jury that really knows what they're doing."
Mr. Simpson acknowledged that it might be difficult to locate all twelve of the jurors who found him innocent in 1995, but indicated that "all the time and the effort in the world" was worth it.
"Look, I've spent the last twelve years looking for my wife's real killers," he said. "I can use some of that energy to look for those jurors."
You can read the complete column (including a good Starbucks joke) and more at the Borowitz Report.