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"Dancing With the Stars": Faint Praise

By admin Published: October 22, 2007

In progress notes after the jump ...

Well, some early drama when Marie Osmond fainted while waiting for the judges' comments. Show had to go to a commercial, and she was back yakking after the break. The scores were straight 7's (comments not included because of the fainting). I would have marked her down more for a dress that looked like a birthday cake. And not a very tasty one.

Jane Seymour next. Lots of stances, tepid dancing. Very funny bosom flex toward her partner (and considerable bosom to flex). Bruno calls it wonderful, sexy but not trashy. Carrie Ann calls her elegant but says there's a problem in her spotting on her turns. Len likes the romance of the piece. In the post-dance chat, Samantha again updates on Marie. Scores: CA, 8; Len and Bruno, 9 from each. Verrrrrrry high considering what she did on the floor.

Mark Cuban. Taped segment cut off abruptly. Dancing to the "I Dream of Jeannie" theme, with Kym in a genie outfit. Cuban's footwork is terrible. CA thought it was "really fun" but the technique was lacking. Len agrees it was entertaining but was also unimpressed by the footwork. Bruno says it was Mark's most entertaining dance to date but "you're not Fred Astaire." The one thing I will say is that Cuban put out a major effort while Jane Seymour just posed. Scores: Straight 7's, same as Marie.

Sabrina next.Still the queen of the competition. And definitely steamin' it with her partner. On the dance floor, at least. Len says her strength is that she has no weaknesses, although he thought some poses over the top. Bruno interjects. Debate ensues. Bruno calls it a "ripe, womanly performance." CA says she "gently beckoned us in" but she hits the edges of her turns a little hard. Scores: 9's from CA and Len, 10 from Bruno.

Jennie Garth. Awkward at the start, and I'm not crazy about the Big Bird dress. Better as it goes along, but a step back from her improvement in previous weeks. Bruno said "performance-wise you stalled a little bit." CA says the whole night is a rough one, and that Jennie stumbled. Len says he thought it was far better than the other two judges did.

Another Marie update. (She's resting.) Jennie scores: 8's from CA and Bruno, 9 from Len, all way too high.

Helio. Impressive but not a lot of chemistry, even though the tape had a lot about them working at it. CA also says no chemistry, and his lines were a bit awkward. Len says it was too mechanical. Bruno concurs, saying Helio looked in pain. Scores: 7 from Len, 8's from the others. Too low considering that Jane got better scores.

Mel B. Lots of melodrama in the pretape (along with Spice Girls cameos, including scary-thin Victoria), but the dance is pretty accomplished. Len calls it fantastic. Bruno says it was full of excitement and best samba of the night; CA agrees. CA and Bruno give 10's, Len a 9.

Cameron to close. Deliberately dirty, but Edyta is doing most of the work. And dirt. Calculated heat. Bruno praises the "incredible passion." CA says the chemistry was "a little bit hot, to say the least," but she's lift-spotting again -- before declaring "great job." Len says he's as strong as a week ago, but he doesn't like Edyta's repeated one-leg spins. In the post-dance chat, Cameron and Edyta don't argue about the lift. 8 from CA, 9's from the others.

Recap, scoreboard (Mel in first, Marie/Mark C at the bottom) and I'm out ...

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