The HeldenFiles Online
Gotta Love Letterman
If only for last night's "Top 10 Signs Your Newspaper Is In Trouble"":
10. Covers all the news that happens within one block of the office.
9. Today's exclusive: "Nixon Dead!''
8. Reporter sent to jail for refusing to divulge a source ... Oh, and he also killed a dude.
7. All horoscopes: "Now would be a good time to get out of the newspaper business."
6. Paper's motto: "Suck it!"
5. Every "hot gossip" item is about Jack Klugman.
4. Managing editor and the guy who wheels around breakfast? Same guy.
3. Under "weather," it just reads "yes."
2. Instead of "Garfield," has a comic strip called "Garfunkel."
1. You endorsed Dennis Kucinich.
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