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No ''View'' Master Here

By RD Heldenfels Published: July 3, 2006

For the most part I have been sitting out the Star-Barbara brawl over ''The View'' because, well, I didn't care a whole lot. And I didn't care because I hardly ever watch ''The View.''

Make that almost never. Make that, I can't remember the last time before today. It's not just that I'm working when the show is on. Watching TV is part of my working. There are two sets flanking my desk, and a couple of DVRs that could be running at home.

Bottom line is this: I can't stand the show. I have no connection to the core characters, and no part of me cares what Elisabeth Hasselbeck has to say about men and their hamburgers.

(That's not a euphemism, by the way. She was talking about hamburgers.)

I mention the burgers because it was one of the topics on the show this morning when I tried to watch. It may even have been the only topic. In about three minutes, my mind was befogged and my ears were bleeding. I felt I had discharged my professional duty of looking at the post-Star ''View'' and could move on, conscience clear.

Now, there was a moment when I wondered if I was simply the wrong audience for the show -- that it is not targeted at middle-aged men, so I was just off the meter. But I watch plenty of things aimed at an audience that is not me. I even like some of them. Want to talk ''Gilmore Girls''? ''Veronica Mars''?

No, I think it's just that ''The View'' is bad. Pointless. The kind of show that is palatable only when you read or watch brief highlights, thereby avoiding brain-killing prolonged exposure.

I'll be back, of course, when Rosie starts. I may even last more than three minutes. Well, if Rosie is doing all the talking.

(A small update: It's now the morning of July 4, and ''The View'' is a ''previously recorded'' show from after Meredith's departure but before Star left. Elisabeth is explaining that she can tell how women voted in the last presidential election based on their footwear. Joy is talking about what women's shoes do to feet, based on what she sees while getting pedicures. Star has shown off a very high heel. And coming up: two-time Academy Award winner Meryl Streep ...)

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