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Why Celebrities Shouldn't Write About Their Love Lives

By RD Heldenfels Published: August 29, 2006

Tom Arnold and his wife are separating. (The story's here.) After reading that, I reached onto my bookshelf for ''How I Lost 5 Pounds in 6 Years,'' his 2002 autobiography. There I found that the woman he is now separated from is ''loyal, honest, stunningly beautiful, and the sexiest woman I've ever seen.'' Also ''smart, hardworking, funny, and close to her family.''

''The quality of my life is so much better with Shelby in it,'' Arnold wrote. ''It's calmer, simpler, more real. Making and keeping her happy is job one for me.''

Now, I'm not dumping on Tom Arnold by bringing up this stuff. It's pretty easy to do this with just about anyone who uses the printed page to declare true love after anything less than 45 years of marriage.

After all, right next to Tom's book is ''My Lives,'' by Roseanne when she was Roseanne Arnold. It starts with a poem for Tom (''I feed you and am nurtured. .../ I float through you,/My love.''). We all know how well that worked out.

Of course, there are times when I think people shouldn't try to be perceptive about anything. Often when I'm reading my old columns. But hey, this is about Tom Arnold. And his book begins with a description of another Tom that echoes interestingly today:

''I wish this were a book by Tom Cruise. I'd like to know what makes him tick. But he probably wouldn't tell us. Doesn't have to; he's too smart and too successful. Real movie stars have an air of mystery. It's probably best that we don't find out the real truth about Tom ...''

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