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Blog of Mass Destruction

Boehner To Put Us In Charge Of Our Own Health Care

By The Reverend Published: October 16, 2007

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Updated below

John

Boner Boehner(R-OH) knows he must keep the Bush cult members together in the House in order to sustain Bush's veto this week. So Boner Boehner said this Sunday....

"Republicans are working on a plan that will provide access to all Americans to high quality health insurance, make sure that we increase the quality of insurance that we have in American, and we want to foster a sprit of innovation" said Boehner on "Fox News Sunday." "This is a plan we'll see over the next coming months where we put the patients in charge of their health care." Link

Excuse The Reverend for laughing at the last sentence. When Republicans tell Americans that they want to "put patients in charge of their health care", they mean it literally.

If Republicans set forth a universal health care plan it would consist of two things. Number one(always number one): Tax cuts.
Number two: Starting a war.

If God wanted anything else done by the government he would have already told Junior....he and the Man are, like, tight.

Republicans will want to cut the taxes of that tiny portion of tax payers who actually have money to put into a health savings tax shelter plan....and....declare war on the rest of us.

Boehner fires the first rhetorical volley. When he says the GOP wants us to be in charge of our own care, he means we can be our own doctor and our own nurse because health insurance will NEVER be affordable under a Republican national program. That's what the Ohio GOP'er means.

We can stitch up our own cuts and wrap our own broken bones. We can forgo the prescriptions, we'll decide if we need the medicine or not...not those damn snooty medical professionals. We'll be taking charge of our own health care, just like

Boner Boehner says. That's what the shameless Boehner means.

That's America, by God....right John Boehner? By God, Americans ain't all wimpy like those sissie Europeans. Europeans have OTHERS take charge of their health care. You know, surgeons, nurses, technicians. So they miss out on all that character building toughness earned with GOP national self-help health coverage.

How in the hell are we going to build a tough enough population to fight the Islamofascist hordes if we keep running to the goddamn professionals everytime we need emergency surgery?

Yep. A Republican universal health care plan would offer take charge do-it-yourself bypass surgery seminars. Perhaps classes on doing your own chemotherapy, delivering your own baby, changing a knee or a hip joint and where to find the tools to help you. Home Organ Depot.

And if you absolutely, positively have to have, like, real surgery, I'm sure

Boner's Boehner's plan will have a mechanism in place, perhaps some financial counseling, you know, to aid in the bankruptcy that will follow.

And best of all. A GOP national self-health care plan would have a Slogan. A Slogan with almost wonder working power just in itself. Something like...Operation Self-Health Inspired Treatment....O-SH*T.

A Republican national health plan...don't make me laugh.

What a boner.

Update: Timely this....

Headline: English 'pull own teeth' as dental service decays

Falling numbers of state dentists in England has led to some people taking extreme measures, including extracting their own teeth, according to a new study released Monday. Link

Looks like Great Britain is getting a jump start on

Boner's Boehner's plan to have patients take charge of their own health care.
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