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GOP's New Darling Wingnut

By The Reverend Published: September 20, 2007

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Sometimes professional sports drafts are lean. Some years are better than others for talent, choices, position players, etc. The same is true for national politics. While the Democrats have a handful of talented presidential candidates this cycle, the Republicans are, by their own admission, struggling to find a qualified candidate. By qualified, I mean qualified as a, you know, actual conservative Republican, as well as qualified to, you know, tie his own shoes. Politically speaking, of course.

First John (Shooting Blanks) McCain was the GOP's alleged darling new Leader to be. But McCain has since become known for his weakness towards all those lousy Latinos. McCain has embraced(gasp) amnesty, so enraging wingers that he is now called Juan McCain.

Then those broad shoulders of Mitt (Are Mormons A Cult?) Romney got the attention of the wingers and their winger spoonfeeders, aka Knee Pad media. Even though he's got a pretty face, that Mormon stuff combined with Mitt's malleability just is not cutting it with the tinfoil hat crowd.

For awhile now, though, the darling has been Mr. Mayor, Rudy "9-11" Giuliani.

Rudy is not a conservative, as he has demonstrated by his tenure as Mr. Mayor, but he had that intangible quality, you know, electability. Not that conservative Republicans would ever compromise their deeply held ideology, heavens no. They are way too steeped in "moral values" to resort to simple expediency in order to win the day.

Lately though, Rudy's

flip flopping, stupidity and arrogance electability have been showing signs of threadbareness. What's a wingnut contingency to do?

Call Mr. Red Truck.

Enter the tall and oh-so-folksy, ladies man Fred Thompson,..... "Law and Order" actor. I'm certain it must be me, but have you seen Fred Thompson lately? I mean, call me crazy, but I don't even think the makeup people can do anything with that Carlsbad Cavern looking face of his. Just sayin'.

However, serious and resolute values voters would never simply consider a candidate for president based on superficialities,.... no, no. Values voters are serious, serious people.....God's Kingdom must be considered at all times. You don't think God is serious about this stuff? Well, he is.

So Fred and his Red Truck are now in the hunt. And bingo.....immediately those serious, serious values voters who used to point to Rudy's electability are now pointing to Fred's

hot young wife gravitas and his cluelessness grasp of the issues. Right away Thompson has surpassed Rudy in several polls.

The actor has been speaking to people and giving interviews since he announced, so we're finding out how qualified Thompson is and what, you know, his thinking is on stuff....important stuff. Like this stuff...

Responding to a question on whether he would shift the country's direction, Thompson praised Bush's performance on Iraq, the economy and Social Security.

[...]

"I think that we are finally on the right track in Iraq, and we are making progress," Thompson said.

He also praised Bush for "doing a good job"
on the economy and said, "I give him credit for the Supreme Court nominations that he's made."

He faulted the president for presiding over "too much spending" at the federal level but backed Bush's efforts to try to overhaul Social Security with private investment accounts.

A line in Thompson's stump speech accuses Washington politicians of failing to take the tough steps needed to keep Social Security solvent. Link

"...right track in Iraq..." Translation: Fred Thompson is a full fledged member of the "faith based" community. I suppose it could be because Fred has been in front of the, you know, teevee cameras, so much, that he believes, like little children do, in fairy tales,..whatever.

I was quite interested in finding out about Fred's involvement in what seems comparable to Michael Vick's hobby, only with a twist. Thompson, apparently, enjoys beating already dead horses. Sounds kind of freakish and sadistic but hey....everyone to their own form of cruelty.

I'm speaking, of course, about Freddy's focus on

gutting, then ending reforming Social Security. As you know, George Walker Bush beat on that dead horse after his re-election and guess what? The horse didn't move. Can you believe it? The Decider finally put the stick down.

Now, Fred has picked up that stick and is swinging it wildly again, no matter what Americans clearly want regarding Social Security. Why hell....Republicans choose authoritarian daddies because they need someone to make the big decisions for them. Social Security discussions involve numbers and projections and.......zzzzzz....Republican values voters are not grown up enough to stay up late talking "big people" talk. They rely on their folksy daddy figures to do the heavy lifting. And all one has to do is read any Knee Pad Media penned article on Fred Thompson to know that Fred Thompson ain't jack if he ain't a folksy daddy figure.

There are some within the "reality based" community who suggest Thompson is simply playing to the wingnut contingencies he needs to play to in order to win the nomination. These reality types say that Fred's praise for Bush's Iraq quagmire, Bush's soon-to-enter-recession economy, and his rather unseemly beating of the dead horse of Social Security are meant to endear him to the monied movers and shakers in the all-must-be-sacrificed-for-big-business-and-the-rich, tiny minority.

Toss in the mandatory-to-wingnuts "Constitutional Amendment to

Bash gays forever Protect Conventional Marriage Rife with Divorce Rates Over 50%, and you begin to see the reasons why serious, solemn, bound-for-God's-kingdom, values voters are flocking to the new Big Thing.

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