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Blog of Mass Destruction

Hiking Up Something

By The Reverend Published: June 25, 2009

I don't think I've ever witnessed such political party patriotism. Such dedication is rare. So absolutely stunned was I, after learning recently about the unmatched loyalty of two prominent Republicans,....that I was almost struck speechless....almost.

It has been said that there is no greater love than to lay down your life for your friends. That being the case, GOP Senator, John Ensign of Nevada and GOP Governor, Mark Sanford of South Carolina have made the ultimate sacrifice of love. Both have laid down their political lives for their party.

The three most prominent leaders of the Republican Party, Rush, Newt and The Dick, have given it their all over the years.......drugs, more drugs, housekeepers buying drugs, pissing in a cup, racist and hate-filled screeds.....adultery and divorcing your wife while she suffers from cancer while you simultaneously call for a Democratic president to resign over a blowjob......torture and lies about torture, fraudulently orchestrating the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocent people.

The Big Three Leaders of the GOP have done everything they can possibly do over the years to "grab" the headlines away from those commie Democrats.....but alas.....along comes a "celebrity" president, Barack Obama, who holds the media under his messianic cult-spell. Imagine....Obama announces a press conference and.....the press shows up. I mean, how can a Party of No compete with that?

Enter the GOP patriots, Senator Ensign and Governor Sanford.

John Ensign of Nevada is a prominent Traditional Moral Values kind of guy. Ensign is/was a Promise Keeper. Promise Keepers are Jesus-loving husbands who make an extra-special display of promising to be faithful to their wives. Ensign, because he is so loyal and dedicated to god's cause here on earth.....the Republican Party.......had previously called for the resignations of fellatio-recipient, Bill Clinton, and wide-stancer, Larry Craig. Ensign, naturally, was a full-throated opponent of gay equality. Traditional marriage had to be defended at all costs and the gays were knocking on the Traditional Marriage door.

But Senator Ensign recognized the dire straits that his beloved GOP was new ideas, crushing defeats in recent elections, no apparent leaders, the threat of he decided to strap on a political suicide belt of mass distraction and lay down his political life for his friends. Man, what an explosion.

See, Ensign lived in a Virginia house owned by a group known as "The Family". This group had one purpose....bringing Jesus into his proper position of king of America. Senator Tom Coburn (R-OK) lived there as well as many other Jesus lovers from the world of politics.

"The Family" encouraged prayer, Bible study and group confessions. It is in one of these sessions that Ensign's close friend, employee and fellow Jesus-lover, John Hampton, pled with the group to intervene to stop Senator Ensign's relentless pursuit of Mrs. Hampton, Doug's wife. Seems like the married Ensign was cuckolding Mr. Hampton and Mr. Hampton was looking for help from "The Family" in bringing that Traditonal Marriage Value practice to an end. Ensign would not be denied his taboo cuckold flesh.....after that confession session Ensign continued the affair with Mrs. Hampton for months.

Senator Ensign stepped to the microphone the other day and pushed the button on his political suicide vest....forced to confess his Traditional Values or be outed for them. The explosion was rather large, gaining some national press attention, but not large enough to wrench the daily narrative away from that scoundrel, Obama.

Enter Mark Sanford.

Governor Sanford of S. Carolina is married and has 4 young boys....and he's a goober. He's not as sophisticated as the Promise Keeper and cuckolder, Ensign,.....but he's loyal to the Traditional Marriage Values of his Party of Jesus....and so he had also called for Clinton, and even Bob Livingston (R-LA), to resign after violating Traditional Values in adulterous affairs. Sanford was an opponent of gay equality and had used the theme "Keeping Your Word" in his 2002 campaign for governor.

After being slapped hard by his own Supreme Court over his refusal to take stimulus money from that commie, Obama.....Sanford decided he would hike the Appalachian Trail for a few days. I've heard it called a lot of things, but hiking the Appalachian Trail is even a new one for me. Now we know that Sanford was actually hiking up the dress of an Argentinian woman named fully appreciate her "tan lines."

If you haven't heard about this soap opera yet, it's worth a read.

Yesterday, Governor Sanford strapped on his own political suicide belt, stepped to the microphone-of-apology, and pushed the button, blowing up his own political future. The Sanford explosion has just begun and, perhaps, his act will not be in vain. It took a mighty blow-up, but Sanford may have captured that prized media narrative away from our new Cult Leader President, Barack Obama.

Behavior this bizarre from zealous proponents of Traditional Marriage and Values can only be understood as "laying down their lives for their friends." What other possible explanation could there be?

Or, as Bonnie Raitt puts it, "Let's give them something to talk about."




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