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Interview With Son of Surge

By The Reverend Published: July 25, 2008

KneePad Interviewer: Warrior and Ex-POW John McCain, can you tell us when the surge began?

Ex-POW McCain: The surge actually started in 1998. Some Republican Warrior Leaders who are NOT ex-POW's, like me, say the surge started in 1991, but I think 1998 is the correct starting date for the surge.

Knee Pad Person: Ex-POW McCain, does your experience as a former POW in Vietnam come into play in comprehending difficult questions, like, 'when did the surge begin'?

Ex-POW McCain: Yes, I have had to rely on my experience as a former POW to understand, and not just understand, but to lead out, as a former POW, in clarifying not only WHEN the surge began but also WHAT the surge was. Did you know that I'm a former POW?

Padder: I did Senator, but I always love being reminded. Respectfully, Mr. Straight Talk, can you tell voters why it is you say 1998 is the year the surge in Iraq started?

Former POW McCain: The year 1998 is when I co-sponsored the "Iraq Liberation Act". That law was pressed into being by that great warrior group, The Project for the New American Century (PNAC), who, also in 1998, sent a letter to then president Bill Clinton demanding an attack on Iraq. But Clinton wasn't a former POW, like me, so he didn't attack Iraq. You see, my friend, 1998 was the beginning of the surge. That's when warrior Republicans decided to take over, (or surge) into Iraq.

The surge consists of many things.

KneePad Media Agent: Now that's some straight talk. Thanks ex-POW McCain. Can you tell us, why would so many non-warrior, non-leader Democrats be saying that the surge in Iraq began in January of 2007?

McCain: That's an interesting question. I can't speak for the non-warrior, non-leader Democrats, say, like, Barack Hussein Obama....but I think, generally, and as a former POW, that Democrats have a hard time keeping track of, you know, time. We live in rapid times...and I guess it wouldn't be all that difficult to lose track of, say, 9 years. As a former POW, I can tell you I wished I could have lost track of 5 1/2 years myself.....that's how long I was kept as a former POW. Did you know I was a POW?

Padder: America is so proud of you John McCain for your POW service. Recapping the breaking news you've given us here....we've learned from ex-POW McCain that the Iraq surge began in 1998 when Republicans officially decided to attack Iraq. You really have cleared things up, Americans haven't heard this that what you mean by 'straight talk'?

Ex-POW McCain: Yes, and I attribute my 'straight talk' ability to being held as a POW in Vietnam. That experience qualified me to speak the truth as I understand it.

Padder Interviewer: All of America hails your POW service to our nation. Could you explain to us, in your ex-POW 'straight talk' way, what part George W. Bush played in Iraq and the surge?

Warrior McCain: Certainly. Me and nine other congressional leaders urged W., in a letter dated Dec. 6. 2001, to target Iraq. I just happen to have a quotation from that letter. "It is imperative that we plan to eliminate the threat from Iraq."

The surge, as I said as a former POW, officially began in 1998...but because there are so many facets to the surge, so many parts, it was necessary to enhance the surge we started in 1998 by, you know, many different forms of military tactics. Republican Warrior Leaders, like my ex-POW self, had already launched the surge in Iraq in 1998.....however, the surge was a phased project with a thousand points of light. George W. Bush simply lit one of those lights in 2003....on the advice of GOP Patriots in a letter to W. December, 2001.

Interviewer: One final question, Mr. Ex-POW Warrior McCain. If the surge in Iraq began in 1998, and was only re-surged in 2003....pardon my flippancy...

McCain: Not at all. It's hard to do flippant when you're a POW.....can you understand that?

Interviewer: If the surge in Iraq began in 1998, and only re-surged in 2003.....was the troop escalation in 2007 simply a continuation of what already had been going on for nine years?

Ex-POW John: Yes, and let me give you some more 'straight talk'.....I was asked in December of 2001 whether Iraq would require 100,000 American soldiers as occupation troops. I responded, "Oh no, I don't think so at all." Do you know why I said that?

Padder Agent: No. But I'm sure there was a good reason. After all, America knows you. You are a true hero-warrior-leader.

McCain: I said that in 2001 because the surge had started in 1998, and in my ex-POW mind.....did you remember that I spent 5 1/2 years as a POW in Vietnam? my ex-POW mind, by 2001 we had already been in Iraq for 3 years....winning. America's great military....did you know I served in the military?......could defeat anyone in less than three years, so there would be no need for 100,000 troops over in a land where we had already won.

Main Media Padder:
What then, Oh Great Straight Talk, happened in January 2007? What was it that George W. Bush ordered then regarding Iraq?

Straight Talk: From my recollection....W. began surging American troops OUT of Iraq starting in January 2007. And that was about right. We started the surge in 1998. Don't you think America's mighty military, of which I am a veteran, can settle a conflict in less than nine years?



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