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Blog of Mass Destruction

Leaks In The Senate

By The Reverend Published: May 21, 2009

After refusing to limit the interest banksters can charge credit card holders, the Senate went on to pass a more bankster-friendly credit card bill Tuesday. The bill was a lame effort, barely a wrist slap to an industry who regularly bribes our politicians with campaign cash to do it's bidding. The bill passed 90-5.

The Senate voted Wednesday, by a similar vote count of 90-6, to refuse to fund the closing of the American gulag at Guantanamo. The vote had to be interrupted several times to allow for Senators to go back to their offices and change their clothes, and in some cases, their Depends. Damnest thing. Some kind of co-ordinated outbreak of Senatorial pants pissing. Janitors, equipped with mops, were brought in unexpectedly. Terror color code raised, or lowered, to yellow. Messy.

There's more to those wet pants than meets the eye, however. I don't think those 90-5 and 90-6 votes are a coincidence. The Reverend has uncovered what will most likely become known as The Incontinence Conspiracy.

If you haven't been paying attention....the Republicans have been the party of no ever since Obama's inauguration, and so it's curious to find such total agreement now amongst senators of both parties on these two bills.

First, note that the credit card bill which prevents credit card companies from raising interest rates until a holder is delinquent 30 days past the grace period (I told you the bill was lame) had an amendment attached to it. The Tom Coburn (R-OK) amendment. Coburn's amendment ends the prohibition on carrying loaded weapons in our national parks.

Carrying loaded guns in our national parks has nothing, whatsoever, to do with credit card reform.......and that's why the gun toting amendment was attached to the credit card bill. Think about it.

With the passage of this amendment, I won't have time to worry so much about the dangers of wild animals while I'm visiting our national parks, because I'll be worrying too much about the dangers of the wild, loaded-gun toting, humans visiting our national parks. So there's that.

The plot thickens. As all Americans now know, President Obama wants to close Guantanamo. Our greatest protectors, Republicans, and their stenographers, Big Media, have been shouting from the rooftops recently about how very, very scared we should all be over the closing of Guantanamo. Lately, Harry Reid and his Slinky-backboned Democratic brethren have joined in the scaremongering. Hell, I get scared just writing about it.

Obama, not only our President but our nation's number one enemy, wants to release all the prisoners from Guantanamo "into the United States." At first I had calculated that Obama would probably load up a semi-trailer with the 250 odd Gitmo prisoners, drive them to the heartland of America, provide them with suicide belts, give them each a thousand bucks to buy fertilizer, kerosene, C-4 and a few detonators, and then release them, like, behind a 7-11, or something.

But Obama is a slick one. His plan to harm America by releasing all those prisoners approaches Dr. Evil levels of darkness. Good thing Tom Coburn stands in the light so he could thwart Obama's sinister plan. Coburn, with his gun-toting amendment, has clued us all in on the socialist president's war plans against us.

Obama is planning on releasing the most dangerous people in the world.....those being held in Guantanamo.....into our national parks. He's a sly one, isn't he? Without Coburn's pre-emptive, loaded-guns-in-national-parks amendment to the credit card bill.....American visitors to those parks would have been completely vulnerable to terrorist attack. But, by god, not anymore.

Next time you're visiting Yellowstone and you see a Muslim with a vest approaching you.....don't pause for cordial greetings....just draw and fire. Not only will you be protecting yourself, and others, from yet another crazy Muslim.....but you'll also be striking out in defiance of Barack Obama's War Against America.

Don't forget.....keep your powder....dry.

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