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Newt's Pearl Harbor Attack

By The Reverend Published: December 27, 2011

So, I open my Akron Beacon Journal this morning to find an article entitled, "Gingrich gains anti-Romney Ohioans" AP writer, Dan Sewell. The author goes deep into the heart of Ohio RepulicanLand....West Chester...asking a few Republican voters who they will be voting for in the GOP presidential primary to be held in Ohio in March. The featured interviewees, some guy who owns a bar, and a couple standing on their back deck, answer with the name, Newt Gingrich.

Why Newt?

"He's the guy they think can go toe to toe with the president."

As I previously documented, Newt Gingrich can't even go toe to toe with Mitt Romney....and Mitt Romney holds both sides, devoutly, on any given issue. But, hey...whatever.

I'm tempted to say that you can fool most of the Republican voters most of the time....but out of respect to the few that can't be easily fooled...I won't. But in that spirit, get a load of this...

Ohio could be more crucial to Gingrich than some of his rivals because the former House speaker failed to qualify for Virginia's primary ballot. Gingrich has said he will pursue an aggressive write-in campaign in Virginia, although state law prohibits write-ins on primary ballots.

.....Failing to get on the ballot in Virginia, where Gingrich lives, underscores the difficulty first-time national

booksellers candidates have in preparing for the long haul of a presidential campaign.

A handful of West Chester, Ohio Republicans are now attracted to Newt Gingrich as the GOP presidential nominee. Newt Gingrich will really, really need Ohio BECAUSE Gingrich didn't qualify for the ballot in his own home state of Virginia. Because Newt did not qualify in his own state, his campaign will launch a write-in campaign there....not simply a write-in campaign, but an "aggressive" write-in campaign....something which is prohibited in Gingrich's home state.

Again, I'm tempted to ask the age-old pertinent question WTF? But I won't because I'm sure the serious and responsible AP would not permit the circulation of an entirely incoherent puff piece. The profundity of Sewell's piece must be woven so deeply that mere mortal readers, like The Reverend, might struggle to find the

turds gems.

I wonder if the AP's Dan Sewell knew about this before he authored his article....because this, if you can believe it, is even more profound than what we've already read....

Campaign director Michael Krull went on Facebook to convey that Newt told him “this is not catastrophic — we will continue to learn and grow.” Then, in the very next paragraph, Krull employed a “catastrophic” metaphor to suggest the campaign is now recovering from a calamity:

Newt and I agreed that the analogy is December 1941: We have experienced an unexpected set-back, but we will re-group and re-focus with increased determination, commitment and positive action. Throughout the next months there will be ups and downs; there will be successes and failures; there will be easy victories and difficult days – but in the end we will stand victorious.

Newt Gingrich's failure to qualify for the Virginia ballot is just like when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. Well...yeeaah.

Let's examine Newt's brilliant anal-ogy. Newt's home state launched a surprise attack against him. Although Virginia has always required 10,000 signatures to qualify for the presidential primary ballot there, Newt and his campaign were taken by complete surprise. No doubt a sign of Newt's superior toe-to-toe intellect and laser-like organizational skills.....just what the office of the presidency requires.

But Newt's personal Pearl Harbor attack, though catastrophic, makes it possible for Newt's campaign to "learn and grow". After the smoke clears from Virginia's "unexpected" attack on the surprised Newt, the favorite of at least 3 West Chester, Ohio Republicans....."in the end we will stand victorious."

How will the surprised Gingrich learn, grow and eventually prevail? By launching an "aggressive" write-in campaign in Virginia....a state that prohibits write-in campaigns. See how quickly Gingrich's crew adapted, grew and learned?

Has there ever been a presidential primary campaign as brilliant in it's strategy as that of the former disgraced Speaker? I cannot think of any.

Now, allow me to shovel the bullsh*t out of the way. Newt Gingrich does not want to be president. The job doesn't pay enough money. Newt and Callista launched their half-hearted campaign for the sole purpose of advertising the Gingrich brand. Gingrich sells books and videos, is paid handily for giving speeches and takes millions from groups willing to pay for Newt's

access to government historian skills.

The 3 West Chester Republicans notwithstanding.....Newt has no intention of being president. But there is gold in them there winger hills and it must of necessity be mined. If there ever were a golddigger.....Newt is the guy. The Newt presidential primary branding, like the Trump presidential primary branding, is, for all intents and purposes, just like any other corporate branding effort.....heartless, deceptive and ever focused on how much more profit can be squeezed out of an often-fooled consumer base.

Politics as a profit-center. That's the genius of Newt. The only opponent Newt can successfully go toe-to-toe with is the checkbooks of uninformed Republican primary those 3 trend-setters down in West Chester, Ohio.



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