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Blog of Mass Destruction

Of Course

By The Reverend Published: October 6, 2012

If news makes President Obama appear successful or strong.....then the news must be part of a conspiracy, a cover-up or just plain false.

Those have been the rules from the right hand side of the aisle for 4 years now.

Immediately after yesterday's September unemployment numbers were released, and the national unemployment number was reported as falling to 7.8%....smoke started belching out of the ears of all the usual suspects.

It was a conspiracy fresh out of Chicago.....said the crusty, crotchedy, ex-GE CEO, Jack Welch.

“Unbelievable jobs numbers..these Chicago guys will do anything..can’t debate so change numbers,” Welch tweeted, referring to the site of Obama campaign headquarters.

Sean Hannity spent the first twenty minutes of yesterday's Radio Rwanda show denouncing the unemployment numbers report as totally bogus...entirely rigged.

Another conspiracy theory had been launched. Once out in the winger ether.....those conspiracy theories, like zombies, never die.

"Obama is pulling the plug on grandma", Obama has "taken over all Americans health care", Obama wasn't president when Osama Bin Laden was executed by U.S. Seals, Fast and Furious fiddling, Obama wasn't born in America, Obama sympathizes with Muslims who kill Americans,......literally, I could go on all day here.....which essentially means that conservatives love themselves some conspiracy theories.

However...and oddly....when monthly unemployment numbers were not so impressive, like, say, way back in June.....there was no conspiracy theory alert issued by Homeland Conservatives. The conservative conspiracy theory color alert system didn't budge off of yellow. Yesterday, with positive numbers for Obama coming out, the conspiracy theory alert system began flashing bright red.

If it's a Democratic president......and good news is's definitely a conspiracy. That's the rule, and yesterday we witnessed that rule play out in all its glory.

Perhaps the worst congressman ever to work in Washington, Allen West (Ass-FL) ran to Facebook....

“Somehow by manipulation of data we are all of a sudden below 8 percent unemployment, a month from the presidential election,” West wrote. “This is Orwellian to say the least.”

What's a pissed-off bunch of conspiracy theorists have to do to get any respect? Well.....first the conspiracy must be fleshed out with a few, you know, bullet points of buffoonery.

Conn Carroll, an editorial writer at the Washington Examiner, tweeted: “I don’t think BLS cooked numbers. I think a bunch of Dems lied about getting jobs. That would have same effect.”

Of course. That explains it. Americans who were called by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, at least the Democrats, conspired to lie about whether they were employed or's the monthly number would appear move favorable towards Obama. Brilliant. And doesn't that sound just like what unemployed Democratic voters would do? Sit around with their Beam-Me-Up-Scotty jammies on just waitin' for the BLS to call them so they can lie?

Or....maybe not. Maybe as conservative losers are falling down the dark mineshaft of their own mendacity, they are just grabbing hold of ANYTHING they might think will save their faith-based, political hineys....or explain the hiney-kicking coming their way November 6th.

I only have one request from these conservative conspiracists. Can you at least buy better comic books to borrow your conspiracies from? That's all I ask.

Or, as one an Ex-Bushie put it.....

“Stop with the dumb conspiracy theories. Good grief,” Tony Fratto, who worked for President George W. Bush, weighed in on Twitter.




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