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Blog of Mass Destruction

Only Stuff We're Concerned About

By The Reverend Published: October 15, 2008

We're three weeks out from an historic American election. Have the very serious, knowledgeable, and in-the-know insiders in the main media prepared the electorate well for this election? Have the Great Protectors of Truth exhausted themselves making sure we, the voters, know everything we need to know to make an informed decision?

The top concerns of America's voters are 1) the economy (including job losses, home foreclosures, energy prices), 2) domestic issues (health care, education, environment), 3) foreign affairs, 4) social issues (guns, gay rights, abortion).

Now ask yourself..... have the "experts" explained WHY the economy is in such bad shape? Why has the DOW average dropped 5000 points this year and why is your 401K or IRA so much smaller now than last year? Answers? Have you gotten a clear enough explanation from our Great and Mighty Media Protectors on why millions of Americans have lost their homes, why we're going to lose 1 million jobs this year alone and why gasoline spent a good part of the year over $4 a gallon?

Do you understand why health care costs have risen so dramatically and why almost 50 million Americans have no health insurance? Is it clear why college tuition has skyrocketed over the last 10 years? Has "cap and trade" been explained by our Wonderful Protectors so that we all can have a basic understanding of what it is and what it will do?

Now stop and ask yourself this: Instead of knowing the answers to those important questions that affect all of our, you know, lives......what DO we know? What have the Main-Media Guardians of All Truth been teaching us these last few months?

Hillary and Bill will wreck the Democratic Convention....we know a lot about that...didn't happen....but just in case it would have....we know all about it. The Experts in Normal Evening Media Accounts (ENEMA) couldn't shove enough Clinton insertors up our collective....psyches. Those who Protect and Inform us about the most important information available, spent as much time telling us about the Clinton's this summer and fall as they did telling us about Barack Obama. Apparently, the Clinton's are still, today, more important to talk about then, say, American's top three concerns.

Whites won't vote for Obama. I can't tell you how Concerned and how Protective of their audiences that our Main Media Guardians have been on this Totally Non-Racist issue. Whites, naturally, did and will, vote for Obama, as all polls are showing....but the Guardians are still, to this day, educating us that they won't. In what could be considered, I don't know, race-baiting by Unserious, Unknowledgeable, and, naturally, Uninformed American voters.....our Wonderful Protectors of All Truth started warning us early about the Great Threat of Whites Not Voting For the Black Obama. Hundreds of race-baiting poll questions were interpreted by those Great Objective Truth Protectors and hundreds more are being asked as I type this. Why? Not because Main Media is picking favorites or are being subjective....heaven forbid. Our Protectors of All Pertinent Information just want us to remember what's important to know going into an election between a white man and a black man....that's all. Race relations don't appear on American voters' list of concerns this election cycle but according to Serious, Wise Media Members....it should.

Reverend Wright and....now...William Ayers. Even though Wright and Ayers don't appear on American's list of concerns....Media Protectors of Us All have made sure that you have been fully briefed on all aspects of these two inconsequential-to-our-lives men. You see.....Main Media's only desire is to address our most important concerns....they only do what they do....for our own protection. Voters, not being the Serious and Knowledgeable Experts that Main Media Members are, haven't placed guys like Wright and Ayers on their top-ten-concerns list....but that's because, apparently, we don't know all the Expert stuff the Experts do. That's why instead of explaining much of anything about economic, health care, and foreign affairs concerns, the Experts continue to tell us so much about two guys so inconsequential to our lives. I know it's hard because of the apparent cognitive dissonance....but then.....they're the Great and Serious Protectors and we....alas....are only lowly voters. What could we possibly know about our own concerns?

Mavericks, Hockey Moms, the First Dude. Unbranded cattle, a tiny demographic of mothers and what?....Pauly Shore, Dana Carvey?...no, sorry...Todd Palin. Normally, Serious Main Media Protectors of Us All wouldn't repetitively bother us with seemingly insignificant, if not ignorantly meaningless, trivia. They're way too Serious for stuff like that. But understanding the unplumbed depths and expansive wisdom hidden in such childish nicknames, Mavericks, Hockey Moms and First Dude's, must be galactically important...otherwise those Great Protectors would not spend so much valuable air time schooling us about them.

You see...McCain and Palin are not really branded with the Republican Party brand...yes, they're Republicans representing the Republican Party but they're really not...they're unbranded Mavericks. I admit.....it's a bit hard to grasp....and that's probably why the Experts must continually repeat their Expertise on the matter.....until we "get it". Quite frankly, I've never heard of a "hockey mom" before. When I first heard about this Serious nickname I thought it was a cynically snide slap at Bill Clinton's appeal in the 90's to "soccer moms." But the Experts in Media have repeated it sooo often that there must be some kernel of Seriousness involved. Turns out that 450,000 kids play hockey and 7 million kids play soccer in the U.S. As you can see from the numbers, enthusiasm for hockey, and therefore hockey moms, ranks right up there with enthusiasm for soccer....or something like that.

Finally, the quintessential embodiment of importance for voters...."First Dude"

Let one of the Experts of All Serious and Important matters explain....

Some might suggest that Main Media Guardians of All Truth and Protectors of Serious Voter Concerns have failed us all miserably in preparing us for our upcoming election. Not The Reverend. One look at FOX's Greta Van Sustern's probative and meaningful examination of what's really, really important....The First Dude....is all I need to conclude that Main Media is as Serious and Wise as they have ever been....and are only looking out for our own interests.

Our problem, as American voters, is that we simply can't understand what our main concerns should be. That's why we have Main Media around......to tell us.

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