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REAL Men

By The Reverend Published: August 13, 2010

The wife and I are leaving for the Heritage Blues Festival in Wheeling, West Virginia today. Won't be back until Tuesday.

So, for the weekend, consider what Mr. Conservative, the Head Dittohead, himself.....Rush Limbaugh had to say yesterday....

Rush, I believe, was responding to Harry Reid's recent comment wondering why any Hispanic-American would ever vote Republican. Reid's comment is fodder for an entire blog post.....and without agreeing or disagreeing....let's just set it aside because it doesn't really factor into what Limbaugh said anyway.

The radio entertainer said this: "REAL men are not liberals, let alone do they vote for liberals."

I think Rush was saying that Thomas Jefferson was not a REAL man, you know, through implication. Abe Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Dwight Eisenhower, Franklin Roosevelt....and of course, Barack Obama....were/are not REAL men either, not according to Rush.

REAL men are conservative and, therefore, vote for conservatives...which means, almost always, Republicans.

Rush was saying that Americans, like the late Pat Tillman, are not REAL men. Tillman was a liberal patriot who set aside riches and tragically died in his quest to serve his nation.

Rush, who supported President Bush, never served his country on account of his anal cyst (not Georgie's, Rush's), and instead pursued riches while voting and advocating, hatefully and divisively, for conservatives.

But see....in Rushbo-land....Rush is the REAL man in this comparison. The reason? REAL men are not liberals...and REAL men never vote for liberals.

In Rushbo-land....the land of hate and bitter self-loathing....when a REAL man succumbs to hard-prescription drug addiction, because, apparently, that's what REAL men do, that addiction is not proof that Rushbo isn't man enough to resist such temptations....like you would expect from a REAL man....au contraire....the proof that drug-addicted Rush was still a REAL man was that, while addicted, he voted for Republicans. Why? Because only REAL men vote for Republicans.

In the land of Rush, REAL men, like Rush, don't have their manliness diminished in the slightest when they are caught in a Dominican Republic airport with someone else's Viagara pills. Apparently, Rush's limp-dinghus problem doesn't reflect on his REAL manliness. Why? Because REAL men prove that they are REAL men by never voting for liberals. That's what REAL men do.

REAL men, according to the defacto leader of the GOP, don't keep themselves trim and fit. REAL men are overweight, bordering on obese. Why? Because the proof of being a REAL man is not measured by percentage of body fat, or muscular fitness.....no, no....the proof of being a REAL man is whether you prefer liberal or conservative ideology and vote for conservatives or liberals.

Sloppy looking, obese and obnoxious males who reject serving their country because of a sore bottom....who are so drug-addicted, yet so REAL, that they have their drugs scored by their female housekeeper.....who can't get it up any longer while still in the prime of life.....those males....they are the REAL men. Why? Because they are not liberal and would never vote for a liberal.

Sure, times change....and all that. However, I find it kind of, you know, strange, that the qualities of a REAL man have changed so much.

REAL men used to be considered REAL if they served their country. REAL men used to be considered REAL if they didn't need prescription crutches in order to perform potently. REAL men used to be considered REAL if they respected women and were fair in their treatment of "the Other." REAL men used to be considered REAL if they were physically fit and muscularly sound.

Not anymore, says the obese, drug addicted, impotent, anal-cysted REAL man whose daily audience of white bitter males have made him a filthy-rich, yet REAL man. The test for REAL manhood today is whether or not you consider yourself to be a liberal or whether you vote for a liberal.

I prefer the good old days....you know, when REAL men were actually REAL men....instead of obese tubs of draft-dodging vomit who can't lift their own limp-dinghuses without the help of friends and female housekeepers carrying prescription drugs.

But, then, I'm a liberal....so there you are.

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