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South Carolina's "Stray Animals"

By The Reverend Published: January 24, 2010

South Carolina has a Lieutenent Governor by the name of Andre Bauer who is running for governor of the state. The current governor of S. Carolina is Mark Sanford, the Appalachian Trail Hiker.

Andre Bauer, not to be outdone by The Hiker, said this recently at a town hall style campaign meeting.....

"My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed. You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don't think too much further than that. And so what you've got to do is you've got to curtail that type of behavior. They don't know any better," Bauer said.

The article from which I captured Bauer's words goes on to say this...

In South Carolina, 58 percent of students participate in the free and reduced-price lunch program.

Some conservatives tell me there were no conservative expressions of racism throughout the presidential election of 2008...and absolutely none in the immaculately conceived and angelic Tea Party resistance movement, formed immediately after the election.

Other conservatives have told me that, yes, there may have been the occasional racial jab during the presidential campaign....but that the Tea Party movement is anything but....focusing, instead, like a laser beam, on policy disputes with the socialist, Obama.

But I'm thinking that this S. Carolina Republican governor-wannabe....Andre Bauer....has merged some Very Serious Conservative Policy (you get what you deserve......welfare is anathema) with some ugly racism (don't feed the animals....they'll breed). I suppose this could be called southern-state racist policy. They used to call it...."how to handle their Negroes."

But that can't be, right? America is post-racial now, right?

Let me be clear....because I know many readers don't particularly like to hear whites being called out for their racist words and so forth....S. Carolina's Andre Bauer wasn't referring to blacks when he spoke of the "stray animals." How do I know that? He said so later.

Bauer later Friday told The Greenville News he wasn't saying people on government assistance "were animals or anything else."

How the hell could someone come up with the idea that Bauer was talking about blacks on government assistance? Why that would be just silly.

It's amply clear that Bauer was, in fact, suggesting a new "stray animal" euthanasia policy for South Carolina. One that is the folksy brainchild of his grandmother. Apparently, because what Bauer said wasn't about poor black children, South Carolina has an epidemic of "stray animals"......I know, who knew? Bauer, aware of this statewide "stray animal" emergency, was simply offering a new grandmotherly policy to deal with this "stray animal" problem.

The S. Carolina governor hopeful, as conservative candidates always are, is Very Serious,....and because he is....I know he wasn't simply baiting white voters. He has been quick to identify S. Carolina's monumental "stray animals" problem...AND...quick to come up with a new 'common sense' policy to deal with the problem. "Don't feed those stray animals." Why not? Because, "they reproduce, they breed...especially the ones that don't think too much further than that." "..you've got to curtail that type of behavior."

I was under the impression that South Carolina's biggest challenges were unemployment and the sagging economic prospects for South Carolinians. Au contraire. All politics are local, I've heard.....and in South Carolina those politics are all about the statewide epidemic of "stray animals."

To be entirely fair about South Carolinian politicians and politician-wannabes.....to be completely forthright about how South Carolinian politicians have jettisoned every remaining vestige of racial insensitivity....I'm including, for, you know, balance...the recent words of South Carolina's proud Huckleberry Senator....Lindsey Graham....

"I have 12 percent unemployment in South Carolina. My state's on its knees. I have 31 percent African-American population in South Carolina."

As we've seen with S. Carolina's governor-hopeful Andre Bauer....Graham didn't say anything racially insensitive, either. South Carolina, just like all other states, has become totally color-blind over the last few decades.....therefore, Graham COULDN'T have been slipping a meant-to-bash-blacks phrase into his Very Serious comments. South Carolinians, like Graham, no longer see black or white.

What Huckleberry actually meant was that South Carolina, though currently suffering high unemployment numbers, was still Very Proud that almost a third of their state's population was...black. Isn't it clear from the context, that that is what Huck meant?

In summary,..... despicable, hyperbolic, godless, hellbound liberals, like me....often jump quickly to the wrong conclusions, especially about southern conservatives. It's a liberal tic, I suppose.

But I'm learning from Very Serious Colorblind conservative politicians to alter my views somewhat. Whenever I am about to jump to another silly conclusion, say, like, racism is still rampant in southern states....I will simply review the Very Serious and Colorblind words of New Era southern conservatives like Andre Bauer and Huckleberry Graham.

That way, I won't embarass myself in the eyes of conservatives.

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