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Blog of Mass Destruction

Suspended Straight Talk

By The Reverend Published: September 25, 2008

My friends, it's time for a little suspension of straight talk.

John McCain announced the suspension of his straight talk campaign for the presidency yesterday. Claiming that the Henry Paulson labeled "financial crisis" is just oh-too-crisis-sy, the Straight Talk Express driver has now called a temporary moratorium on the marathon of lies McCain calls his campaign.

The American economy, McCain says, is now so dangerously close to imploding, that there's no time to waste talking about silly politics. The Maverick-man thinks the moment is so serious that he's asked for a postponement of tomorrow night's debate with Barack Obama. What a Maverick-man. Always thinking about the nation...and never thinking of his own political aspirations.

McCain, you see, insists, in light of breakaway polling numbers for Obama, that he must suspend his presidential campaign and rush back to Washington in order to help solve an economic "crisis". He's going to help solve something he, admittedly, doesn't know much about. That's why McCain is calling for a postponement, or perhaps a cancellation, of the scheduled Obama-McCain foreign policy debate.

Barney Frank, heading up the House group already negotiating an economic bailout, called MCain's campaign suspension, "the longest Hail Mary pass in the history of either football or Marys."

Now that McCain has idled his express bus of straight talk....I have a new idea for the Arizona senator to try out.

A Stuntman costume.

If John McCain put on one of those Evil Knieval stuntman costumes, strapped his 72 year old stuntman ass onto a fast, you know, crotch rocket.....he could attempt to jump over his own Straight Talk Express bus on national prime time teevee. Sarah Palin, the GOP VP nominee whom McCain knew for five minutes before he chose her, could don her old cheerleader uniform and do some choreographed shake-it routine in front of ABC's Charlie Gibson while simultaneously shooting at moose on the western horizon from where Russia can be seen.

While Palin does her prepared cheers of "we're all socialists now", McCain can warm up his Knieval bike while shouting back his patented "we're all Georgians now" response. While McCain shouts "strong fundamentals", Palin will respond with "that's our workers". A dummy of SEC Chris Cox will be stood up for Stuntman McCain to run right over while Mother Maverick cheerleader shouts "fire him, fire him."

And the grand finale? Glad you asked....

As the sun sets, Stuntman McCain will set his crotch rocket on fire, climb aboard and race pell-mell off a cliff of his own construction while cheerleader Mother Maverick sings and dances to Toby Keith's version of a flag draped, "I Told The Witchdoctor, He Told Me What To Do", classic.

Some sh*t, I realize, cannot be made up.

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