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Blog of Mass Destruction

Tastes Like Chicken

By The Reverend Published: May 12, 2009

The script writers for the teevee program "24" should be hired by our defense department as full time military planners. Eliminate the middle men. That way our great protector-leaders can skip over all the liberal whining horsesh*t over torture and get down to protecting us like real men should. Why bother with pansy-assed anti-torture appeasers and pacifists who insist on the rule of law. The rule of law is so pre-9-11. F*ck the rule of law. Are we going to rely on a goddamn piece of paper to protect us? Huh? Are we? What are we going to do? Hide behind it? Huh, you liberal sissies?

I, for one, can hardly wait for the gloves to come off permanently. I oftentimes feel like peeing in my pants, I get so scared about a boogyman terrorist hiding in my trashcan, and when I roll it back into the garage he's going to jump out screaming some stupid sh*t about Allah and blow my house up. So, I want those gloves to come off, and I want them to stay off. No more Mr. Niceguy like we've heard about from down in the Guantanomo-Carlton.

Bush and Cheney started taking the gloves off but, obviously, they didn't go far know, because I still feel like peeing in my pants occasionally. I don't want the "24" script writers hired by the defense department to stop with the violence, gore and waterboarding scenarios until I don't have that scared-e-cat urge anymore. I really, really need to feel safe.....and I, for one, couldn't possibly feel safe if sissy suggestions from some limp-dicked appeaser Democrats and a teleprompter reading imposter of a president keep telling me torture is off the table. Oops,...see,....just typing those words caused leakage.

What America needs right now is more leaders who are willing to order the killing, the mutilation, and the eating of the flesh of our detainees, if need be, to put the fear of the only real god, the American god, Yahweh, into Muslim hearts everywhere. Muslims, (W., Don, and The Dick will tell you), can only be deterred by savagery. It's all they understand. They're not like us. So, if Muslims worldwide witness videos of our patriotic interrogators sitting around campfires at Camp X-Ray roasting a few Muslim can be sure that those suicide bombing bastards will think twice. I think that's what it's going to take for me to maintain dry pants.

The Geneva Convention doesn't call cannibalism torture and who cares if it did. Just more goddamn pieces of paper, anyway. Americans need to hear more from the nation's authentic manly-leaders....Richard Cheney and Rush Limbaugh....leaders who aren't afraid, in this post 9-11 world where everything has changed, to wipe their asses with any legal or official document prohibiting savage American acts. Real leader-men. Lately, I've been encouraged by seeing and hearing nightly from those two great fearless patriots. And when they're not on my teevee, thankfully for my bladder, there are these guys....

Pressed for time? Start at the 2:00 mark...

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According to Warrior Harold Ford, and he's a Democrat, Americans are fully on board the waterboard, which means, that we must be getting stronger as a nation. A nation who isn't shy about using savagery is a nation ready to lead in a post 9-11 world. A nation willing to line their birdcages with foolish paper laws and principles is a nation that has learned some hard lessons about the limititations built into the foolish notion of a rule of law.

Great Warrior Leaders like Harold Ford and the Post's Chris Cilizza give my bladder hope. I only long for the day when all former sissy-ass media and sympathetic-to-prisoners politicians can hold their heads high while defiantly munching on Muslim-prisoner ribs during prime time broadcasts. Instead of constantly changing my trousers out of fear there's an Al-Bomber in my trashcan, I'll stay dry and no longer be afraid.

Now that's change my bladder can believe in.

This is worth a read as well.



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