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Blog of Mass Destruction

The Mountain Dew Contraceptive

By The Reverend Published: April 2, 2008

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George W. Bush told us how Jesus saved him from the devil whiskey. He, like Reagan before him, talked the talk of the Evangelical Christian. Evangelical Christians delivered his re-election and played a huge part in his coming close in the first...selection.

George rewarded their efforts by appointing two medievalists to the Supremes and establishing the oh-so-full-of...."faith based initiative".

In addition to all that fun and all those games, during the Bush administration anti-science initiatives have multiplied, the likes of which I haven't seen. One of those initiatives is the abstinence only version of what used to be a more scientific based sex education program in public schools.

Here are some....I don't know....less than stellar findings on how the "just say no" only policy is working out. From the Bible Belt state of Florida....

ORLANDO, Fla. -- A recent survey that found some Florida teens believe drinking a cap of bleach will prevent HIV and a shot of Mountain Dew will stop pregnancy has prompted lawmakers to push for an overhaul of sex education in the state.

The survey showed that Florida teens also believe that smoking marijuana will prevent a person from getting pregnant.

State lawmakers said the myths are spreading because of Florida's abstinence-only sex education, Local 6 reported.
They are proposing a bill that would require a more comprehensive approach, the report said.

It would still require teaching abstinence but students would also learn about condoms and other methods of birth control and disease prevention. Link

Perish the thought that I would ridicule, in any way, those great and moral conservative Christians down there in the Sunshine State. The same patriotic, common sense Floridian Evangelicals who rent huge I-95 billboard spaces, put a huge picture of a one year old on them with captions that read, "Mommy, don't kill me". Saw it with my own eyes.

Let's review those findings.....

Can't teach anything but, "don't do it", so hell, maybe a shot of bleach with a Mountain Dew chaser will keep those sperm away. Can't tell them that silly little wive's tales may not be the way to go or that, you know, condom use prevents pregnancy. No, no.....don't do it. I wonder if in abstinence only sex education class they just run a loop of "don't do it" until the bell rings. Not ridiculing, I'm just wondering.

The Onion-like line was....

"....teens also believe that smoking marijuana will prevent a person from getting pregnant."

See....this concerns me because as far as I know and remember.....it was just the opposite. Marijuana smoking is helpful if pregnancy is the objective,.....well.....not necessarily the objective.....but you know what I mean.

Kids now-a-days, huh?. They're always getting stuff backwards.

George and his pre-Enlightenment Age band of Evangelical voters have done so much damage to our country. Conservatives talk about financial progress, business progress and how taxes retard that progress, some truth in that, but what about the anti-scientific population that has developed now into a political force working to retard scientific advancement. Doesn't that hurt us economically, or won't it eventually? We can't graduate enough people with science degrees as it is.

I know that Evangelical Christians believe that they are doing the right thing, I know that. That's really the problem though, isn't it? Believing. Conservative Christian adults believed that if public schools only taught abstinence in sex education that they would be doing the right thing for all children. But they weren't.

That is why religious beliefs cannot be the determinant for governmental policies. We have a secular government. It must remain that way. Government programs should never be handed over to the will of supernaturalists. The latest scientific findings, only, should always be the sole basis on which policies are determined.

The faith-based damage will take time to repair. It's the first step on a long road back for our country after the last 8 disastrous years.

Oh...and just in case folks forgot....the Hagees and the Parsleys and eventually the Dobsons out there will be throwing their support behind John Sidney McCain this election cycle. They are representative of millions of anti-sciencers. They're lining up because they want more of the same.

If McCain is somehow, miraculously elected, better watch the kid's Mountain Dew use and maybe lock away the Clorox.

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