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The Wingnut Wars...Chapter 2

By The Reverend Published: October 6, 2009

In Chapter One of The Wingnut Wars we found RNC Chairman Michael Steele apologizing to Comedien King Limbaugh for saying that the Rotund Lord of All Conservatism was but..."an entertainer", who spouts off stupid stuff that is, "yes, is incendiary, yes, it's ugly."

Steele's words, I suggested then, would become legendary as the "Great F*ckup Heard Round the Wingnut World." And so they have. Steele, embarassingly, crawled back to Comedien-King on his knees to apologize then....but the Great and Dreadful Wingnut Wars had begun. There was no turning back.

That ugly and bloody battle 7 months ago marked the beginning of what appears to be a Rumsfeldian-like "long hard slog war". The RNC-Token Warrior, still nursing his Fat King-inflicted still under seige....

GOP leaders, in a private meeting last month, delivered a blunt and at times heated message to RNC Chairman Michael Steele: quit meddling in policy.


The congressional leaders were particularly miffed that Steele had in late August unveiled a seniors’ “health care bill of rights” without consulting with them. The statement of health care principles, outlined in a Washington Post op-ed, began with a robust defense of Medicare that puzzled some in a party not known for its attachment to entitlements.

We open Chapter 2, "The Rise of the Crying Clown", with the Great, Though Still Very Fat, Comedien-King having become so all-powerful, and so fat, that he is off buying a professional football franchise.

While King Limbaugh has been declared by the FED to be "too fat to fail" in the Wingnut Wars, a new challenger to his hefty power has arisen from the dustbin teevee ratings of CNN. It is,...yes,....the emergence of the Crying Clown Warrior-Protecter, Sir Glenn Beck. Known for his Vapo-Rub tear producing and his sh*thouse rat style ramblings, the Crying Clown has quickly gathered unto himself a 2.2 million Wingnut Brigade of Fox Soldier Viewers under the patriotic flag of the TeaBag.

Will Crying Clown join forces with Fat King thus spawning a potent enough Wingnut Army to battle the dark forces of the Satanic Obama? Or will the emergence of the Vapo-Rubber just f*ck everything up for the Defeated, Despairing, Death-Panels of the Republican Forces?

The suspense builds.

Just when there appeared to be no signs of life in the Republican Forces, other than the monotone, sleep-inducing voice of the Perpetually-Drunk, yet, Tanned Boner (R-OH), we see a new Rearguard ambush of the Crying Clown by Corporal Huckleberry, the Lisping Lion of South Carolina....

I hope your computer screen didn't get blood-smattered by watching that gruesome battle.

Will the courageous Lispings of the never married, Don't Ask, Don't Tell-avoiding, Republican Morality Forces-leading, Huckleberry lead to a truce in the Great and Terrible Wingnut Wars? Will the Fat-Comedien King's often cited and titillating phrase, "bend over and grab your ankles", be enough to mollify the potential threat from Corporal Huckleberry? Will the Vapo-Rubbing Crying Clown share his tear-producing secret with Huckleberry, embracing him (in a manly way), thus building a coalition to fight the Satanic Obama?

As the Wingnut Wars approach the one year mark, it is still unclear which Wingnut....Wing, will triumph. Will it be the Wing led by the celebrated Quitter Warrior, Sarah-of-Alaska? Or will she be properly TeaBagged by the Crying Clown, Leader of all Teabaggers? Can Huckleberry and Boner and Deputy Dog McConnell stay in the good graces of the Fat King and the Crying Clown long enough to challenge the dark socialistic powers of the Satanic Obama with a United Wingnut Front?

Indeed, these are the times that test the Wingnut Soul. Much is unsure.....and a long, cold winter of the Satanic Obama's Mighty Victory Over Health Care awaits the Huckleberry & Boner-led Republican Forces.

Will Wingnuts have to grab their political nuts to stay warm during their winter of despair?

Stay tuned for Chapter 3.....

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