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Egg recall gives birth to new fears over safety
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Melon gets its slice of the pie
Quick & easy: Steak taco salad
Greek Vegetable Soup wows guests
Ask Lisa: What is the best way to package and ship the items to ensure freshness?
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'Food Feuds' to weigh in this week on Akron burgers, Barberton chicken
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Akron man, 28, found dead after fall from vehicle
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Young's Hotel to be torn down; private developer to build hotel, retail complex on Akron site
'Food Feuds' to weigh in this week on Akron burgers, Barberton chicken
Tinted windows lead to police chase, crash in Akron
Two Akron men charged after attempted break-in at Green home
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Ohio Politics/Elections:
Boccieri Shows Up at Renacci Town Hall, Engages in Impromptu Debate
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Nothing new on Wednesday's Browns/Bucs injury report
Marla Ridenour on Sports:
Browns find plenty of good men
Varsity Letters:
Gridlocks: Week 3
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Kanakaredes says she’ll have ‘CSI’ memories to treasure
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Monday’s Tribe lineup
First Bell - On Education:
Report is filed on bus incident
The Heldenfiles:
TNT Orders "Dallas" Pilot
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PAWS Pet of the Week: Meet Autumn!
Cleveland Cavaliers:
Scott believes Cavs can still win
Akron Zips:
No. 1 UA secures 2-0 win over No. 3 Wake Forest
Kent State Sports:
Akron Docs in Haiti:
Orphans in Fondwa
Buckeye Blogging:
‘The Shoe’ is Open for Business
All Da King's Men:
"They Talk About Me Like A Dog"
Blog of Mass Destruction:
Endangering U.S. Troops To Regain Power?
Akron Law Café:
Losing Common Ground
Car Chase:
Free Glenmoor Gathering Tickets
Let's Talk Real Estate:
Gossip Girl
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Robert Wilson, Gap Band bassist, dies
See Jane Style:
Making It Up
HRLite House:
From the White House – New Federal Approach to Hiring
POSTED: 06:46 p.m. EDT, Jun 08, 2009
John Rosemond
McClatchy Newspapers
The first Question of the Week is: ''Why at dinnertime should children be served what everyone else in the family is served?''
This question would have never occurred to my parents (or any of their peers or ancestors), but the parenting worm has turned mightily since the 1950s, the last decade during which parents were completely comfortable with their authority. The current generation of parents is confused and uncomfortable, which is why they allow their children to make decisions that make no sense.
The answer to the QW is: ''Because the operative condition is family. A family is a group of people who share resources. In a family, no one is more special, more deserving, than anyone else. It follows that when a family sits down to dinner (an increasingly rare event), everyone in said family should partake of the same meal. Excepting verifiable medical grounds, no one should be allowed to occupy exceptional status.''
Someone in ReaderLand protests that she fixes Little Johnny a boiled hot dog and precisely browned 'tater tots when the rest of the family is eating roast beef, mashed potatoes, and broccoli because the latter trio triggers LJ's regurgitative reflex.
Then put a plastic bucket next to LJ's chair and instruct him to aim his reflex in that direction. If he misses, make him clean it up. When he is finished, instruct him to occupy his chair and try again. If he refuses to eat, excuse him from the table and cover his plate. When he later complains of hunger, microwave his plate and set it in front of him, plastic bucket to the side. LJ will survive this ordeal — it may take several weeks from start to finish — with significantly lower self-esteem and a significantly more liberal palate, meaning he will be a much happier child.
The second QW is: ''Why should a child not be found sharing his parents' bed?''
Like the first, this question would have never occurred to parents of 50-plus years ago. They would have known that whereas ''family'' applies to a meal, it does not apply to a bed. This is common sense, but then common sense in child rearing is anything but common these days.
In this case, the issue is boundaries. Parenting is a form of leadership, and in any leadership environment, there must be a boundary between those who lead and those who are led. This boundary distinguishes and generates respect for the leaders. The so-called ''family bed'' eradicates this boundary, creating a condition wherein children are de facto members of the wedding.
The marital bed is Boundary No. 1. In its absence, parents will pay the devil trying to establish and enforce any other boundary. Because discipline is mostly about boundaries, this means that they will pay the devil when it comes to discipline (about which they will be in a self-protective state of denial). Their children are doomed, therefore, to disorders of opposition and attention (which everyone but them will notice).
So, a reader asks: ''How do we get our children out of our bed?''
Easy. You tell them, today, that Doctor Van Meanie has said that tonight is the last night the children can sleep with you. ''So,'' you say, ''let's have as much fun as we can! How about a pillow fight!'' And then, tomorrow night, remind them of the good doctor's orders, tuck them in their own beds, kiss them goodnight, tell them that it's fine with you if they feel the need to scream and cry for a while, lock your door, and take a second honeymoon.
Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions on his Web site at http://www.rosemond.com.
John Rosemond
McClatchy Newspapers
The first Question of the Week is: ''Why at dinnertime should children be served what everyone else in the family is served?''
This question would have never occurred to my parents (or any of their peers or ancestors), but the parenting worm has turned mightily since the 1950s, the last decade during which parents were completely comfortable with their authority. The current generation of parents is confused and uncomfortable, which is why they allow their children to make decisions that make no sense.
The answer to the QW is: ''Because the operative condition is family. A family is a group of people who share resources. In a family, no one is more special, more deserving, than anyone else. It follows that when a family sits down to dinner (an increasingly rare event), everyone in said family should partake of the same meal. Excepting verifiable medical grounds, no one should be allowed to occupy exceptional status.''
Someone in ReaderLand protests that she fixes Little Johnny a boiled hot dog and precisely browned 'tater tots when the rest of the family is eating roast beef, mashed potatoes, and broccoli because the latter trio triggers LJ's regurgitative reflex.
Then put a plastic bucket next to LJ's chair and instruct him to aim his reflex in that direction. If he misses, make him clean it up. When he is finished, instruct him to occupy his chair and try again. If he refuses to eat, excuse him from the table and cover his plate. When he later complains of hunger, microwave his plate and set it in front of him, plastic bucket to the side. LJ will survive this ordeal — it may take several weeks from start to finish — with significantly lower self-esteem and a significantly more liberal palate, meaning he will be a much happier child.
The second QW is: ''Why should a child not be found sharing his parents' bed?''
Like the first, this question would have never occurred to parents of 50-plus years ago. They would have known that whereas ''family'' applies to a meal, it does not apply to a bed. This is common sense, but then common sense in child rearing is anything but common these days.
In this case, the issue is boundaries. Parenting is a form of leadership, and in any leadership environment, there must be a boundary between those who lead and those who are led. This boundary distinguishes and generates respect for the leaders. The so-called ''family bed'' eradicates this boundary, creating a condition wherein children are de facto members of the wedding.
The marital bed is Boundary No. 1. In its absence, parents will pay the devil trying to establish and enforce any other boundary. Because discipline is mostly about boundaries, this means that they will pay the devil when it comes to discipline (about which they will be in a self-protective state of denial). Their children are doomed, therefore, to disorders of opposition and attention (which everyone but them will notice).
So, a reader asks: ''How do we get our children out of our bed?''
Easy. You tell them, today, that Doctor Van Meanie has said that tonight is the last night the children can sleep with you. ''So,'' you say, ''let's have as much fun as we can! How about a pillow fight!'' And then, tomorrow night, remind them of the good doctor's orders, tuck them in their own beds, kiss them goodnight, tell them that it's fine with you if they feel the need to scream and cry for a while, lock your door, and take a second honeymoon.
Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents' questions on his Web site at http://www.rosemond.com.
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