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By Kim Hone-McMahan
Beacon Journal staff writer
Published on Sunday, Nov 22, 2009
The rays of sun caught the crystal hanging in the window and scattered rainbows on the walls of the counselor's office. Lucy Bibbee barely noticed. She had come to talk about her only children, two young men who killed themselves within 18 months of each other.
Bibbee sought help at area grief groups where volunteers give generously of their time to help those who are grieving, but she needed something more.
And whether it was logical or not, the bereaved mother felt shameful.
''The parents there were dealing with accidents, illnesses and a son who had died in Iraq. I was different,'' she said, the sorrow evident in her voice as she spoke about the deaths of her sons, 26-year-old David in 2003, and 24-year-old Brian in 2004.
The exhaustion wore her down. The unanswered questions swirling about in her mind haunted her.
''I tried to lay down . . . and just die,'' she said, barely above a whisper. ''I wasn't able to see further than today.''
Her heart was so heavy, and her grief so fresh, someone suggested she seek help at Kent's Counseling for Wellness, where therapists specialize in grief. But not all insurance companies will reimburse for counseling, so Bibbee opted to pay for the sessions herself — until the day she lost her full-time job.
Jane Bissler with Counseling for Wellness told the Cuyahoga Falls woman not to worry. A family she knew had established a foundation to help pay for bereavement therapy.
Bob and Cathy Reeves' 16-month-old daughter, Kelly, died a few days before Christmas in 2002. As she had done many times before, Kelly was munching on a pretzel to help relieve the pain from teething. But while riding in the back seat of the family's car, she started choking. Though an emergency squad rushed the little girl to the hospital, she could not be saved.
''The one thing that was suggested to us by one of our priests is that we seek counseling,'' said Cathy, who also has two sons. ''As I look back at the last almost eight years, I truly don't know where we would be as a family if we did not do this.
''Counseling made us work through things, not only about Kelly's death, but how to function without our daughter and sister.''
As the years passed, the Reeves longed to help others. They started an annual golf outing in Kelly's memory. The proceeds have supported many efforts, the most recent being the creation of Kelly's Grief Center.
For some, grief counseling means the difference between living in darkness and hoping for the future.
''I honestly don't know where I would have turned without their assistance. I imagine I would have slipped deeper into depression,'' said Bibbee, who now works in sales.
''I know my life will never be the same and every day is a struggle. But, without a doubt, it [counseling] has helped me believe that I still have some kind of purpose.''
Joanne Nussbaum of Ravenna is also being helped by the Kelly Reeves Memorial Foundation. Her daughter, Victoria, died in a car accident in 2006 at the age of 18.
''Many times, a grieving parent finds that others are unsure how to respond, or just get tired of hearing the same thing. I sometimes felt that I really should not be burdening others with my tales of continuing loss and pain,'' Nussbaum said. ''During my talk therapy with Jane [Bissler], I found validation, positive feedback, suggestions and a willing ear.
''I am grateful for the counseling.''
Expansion possible
Kelly's Grief Center is housed at Counseling for Wellness in Kent, but there are plans to build a $4 million facility.
While most major insurance plans are accepted for both individual and group sessions, those without insurance coverage or those unable to pay are not denied service. The foundation will pay the costs.
All of the group sessions, which start in December, are facilitated by licensed counselors who specialize in grief. Using appropriate age and development tools, each group will cover the same topic. That way, for instance, a mother can talk to her child about what was discussed each week.
For the Reeves, the center means so much more than a gathering place. It's a way to say thank you to those who came to their side when they were in the midst of tragedy. A way to honor a daughter. And a way to help others who are suffering after the loss of a loved one.
Details:
What: Kelly's Grief Center
Where: 420 W. Main St., Kent
When: Group sessions are on the second and fourth Tuesday of each month, beginning Dec. 8. Three groups, including two for young children and teens, will gather for a light supper at 5:30 p.m. with sessions beginning at 6:30. To schedule group attendance or individual sessions, call 330-677-2000.
To help: Kelly's Grief Center is a program of the Kelly Reeves Memorial Foundation and is a charitable nonprofit organization. To contribute, call 330-677-2000.
Kim Hone-McMahan can be reached at 330-996-3742 or kmcmahan@thebeaconjournal.com.
The rays of sun caught the crystal hanging in the window and scattered rainbows on the walls of the counselor's office. Lucy Bibbee barely noticed. She had come to talk about her only children, two young men who killed themselves within 18 months of each other.
Get the full article here.
Comments
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Akron, OH
Posted 08:47 PM, 11/22/2009
It seems that every time this reporter writes about bereavement counseling, she uses the Kent agency as a source. Where's the objectivity in that? We have plenty of qualified agencies right here in Akron. I smell a rat.
Stow, OH
Posted 09:26 AM, 11/23/2009
I wouldnt say so much as a rat, but I understand why they wrote about it, as they have a well-established fund for individuals and families that aren't able to pay. I am not aware of other local counseling services that make that possible, though.
Posted 06:40 PM, 11/28/2009
You can smell a rat all you want, but after having had our daughter pass away, we found few resources. Our daughter died in utero, so that put us in a bit different situation. We didn't want to go to counseling with folks that had children grown and so forth. We contacted a Christian based organization in the Akron area, found that our insurance would only cover 50% and we weren't able to pay the full amount. We asked if they had discounted services available. They did not and did not care to discuss it with us any further. Redmon Funeral Home had services that were offered, but they were offered to any family that had lost a child.
Unless you've walked that road (no, I wouldn't wish the loss of a child on anyone) you don't know about services that are offered. You may hear of them, but to actually obtain them is a different story.
Please look at this story with love in your heart and drop being judgmental.
