Let’s keep it light today.
In August 1936, the Beacon Journal sponsored a daily contest in which readers made up knock-knock jokes. The newspaper staff sorted through hundreds of entries each day.
Winners were paid $1 (about $16 today), a generous prize during the Great Depression, when a buck could feed a family. Runners-up received free movie tickets to the air-conditioned Akron Palace Theater.
Even during the roughest times, people had a sense of humor. It’s funny to see what Akron residents thought was amusing 75 years ago — even if some of the jokes might not translate as well today.
Let’s get knocking. Enjoy!
SILLY HUMOR
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Opal.
Opal who?
Opal up your pants, they’re falling down.
— Ed Dunlavy
1391 Delia Ave., Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Pansy.
Pansy who?
Pansy meeting you here.
— Reita Mehlenbacher
304 Brown St., Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Euripides.
Euripides who?
Euripides pants and I charge you five bucks.
— Patty Anne Green
684 N. Main St., Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam car won’t start.
— Joseph Kemp
516 E. Broadway,
Cuyahoga Falls
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Whitcomb.
Whitcomb who?
Whitcomb first, the chicken or the egg?
— Mary Mellinger
553 Grace Ave., Akron
LOCAL HUMOR
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Bea.
Bea who?
Bea can always tell you the news.
— Mrs. J.B. O’Toole
732 Harrison Ave., Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Kenmore.
Kenmore who?
Kenmore passengers ride on our city buses?
— J.P. Fongheiser
2222 Ninth St., Kenmore.
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Derby.
Derby who?
Derby or not derby.
— Henry Ruppert
792 Kling St., Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Howell and Viggers.
Howell and Viggers who?
Howell Viggers he will make a fortune in real estate and let Viggers Howell his head off.
— E. Moehle
Schocalog Road, Copley
POLITICAL HUMOR
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Hoover.
Hoover who?
Hoover Pete’s sake is going to be the next president?
— Milton Shoemaker
823 Davis St., Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Alf.
Alf who?
Alf who’s Landon in the White House!
— Katherine Junkin
252 Shawnee Path, Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Delano.
Delano who?
Delano where they are going?
— Edna Weygandt
Uniontown
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Adolf.
Adolf who?
Adolf my hat to you, madame.
— Fred Griffiths
1174 Linden Ave., Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Onda.
Onda who?
Onda way to communism.
— James Lowery
579 Lumiere St., Akron
RACY HUMOR
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Beverly.
Beverly who?
Beverly before my husband comes home.
— Vernon L. Oblisk,
947 Jason Ave., Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Keith.
Keith who?
Keith me quick. My daddy’s coming.
— Betty Tennant,
125 Kent Court, Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Chesapeake.
Chesapeake who?
Chesapeake is all you get.
— Norma Dawkins
281 Arch St., Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Execute.
Execute who?
Execute mustache you have.
— Edward M. Greenwood
721 Wellesley Ave., Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Cement.
Cement who?
Cement yes when she said no.
— Austin C. Brown
719 Hazel St., Akron
TOPICAL HUMOR
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Dionne.
Dionne who?
Dionne all these babies?
— Charles Frazee
939 E. Crosier St., Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Mel.
Mel who?
Mel Ott to hit more home runs.
— Edna L. Bissell
Twinsburg
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Jesse.
Jesse who?
Jesse that Owens run?
— Earl Boedicker
202 Kenilworth Drive, Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Milo.
Milo who?
Milo wages keep me poor.
— Richard Plumpton
390 Eastland Ave., Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Hydrogen.
Hydrogen who?
Hydrogen quick, boys, here come the cops.
— James Fishburn
129 Myers Ave., Akron
STRANGE HUMOR
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Fred.
Fred who?
Fred sails in the sunset.
— Mildred McElhiney
1175 La Croix Ave., Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Catherine.
Catherine who?
Catherine after mithe.
— Jerry Gammeter
214 Rhodes Ave., Akron
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Pocahontas.
Pocahontas who?
Pocahontas me day and night, so I’m giving up cards forever.
— Mrs. Wade Conner
326 N. Depeyster St., Kent
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Cheese.
Cheese who?
Cheese a Latin from Manhattan.
— Dorothy Hartley
843 Sackett Ave.
Cuyahoga Falls
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Peru.
Peru who?
Peru! These knock-knocks smell terrible.
— Ellen J. Burgy
365 Weeks St., Akron
Mark J. Price is a Beacon Journal copy editor. He can be reached at 330-996-3850 or send email to mjprice@thebeaconjournal.com.
