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Kids book by area author takes an informed look at the sibling quibbling
By Tracy Wheeler
Beacon Journal medical writer
Published on Tuesday, Jul 29, 2008
Anyone who's had a brother or sister knows that sibling relationships can be complex, with love and compassion often shoved aside by bickering, teasing, taunting, jealousy and anger.
''Mom, make him get out of my room.''
''Dad, she touched me.''
''That's my toy. Give it back.''
''Mom likes me best.''
Pretty basic — and annoying — sibling rivalry stuff.
But when one of the siblings is adopted, it adds a dimension to the relationship.
The biological child may have to deal with issues of having an adopted brother or sister who came from a faraway land and is greeted with hoopla and interest from relatives and strangers upon arrival. Suddenly, from his point of view, being adopted seems like the more interesting and exciting way to join a family.
The adopted child might have to deal with issues of belonging, especially when the biological child looks like the parents and she doesn't. No one asks a biological child who his ''real mother'' is, but it's something adopted kids will hear again and again, from the time their playmates are old enough to talk.
It's these issues that drove Vanita Oelschlager to write her latest children's book, Made in China.
Her daughter, Kristin Blackwood, adopted a daughter, Vi-yen, now 6, from China five years ago, joining Blackwood's biological daughter, Sage, now 11.
The book shows two girls — who look a lot like Vi-yen and Sage — playing house. The older daughter notices a sticker on the broom they're playing with and says to her younger adopted sister, ''It's just like you . . . You're made in China.''
The younger sister notices the same label on her teacups, toys and dolls.
''She teased me some more.
'You're like my shirt
and my favorite plaid skirt.'
She showed me the tags,
and that really hurt.'' ''
Sage never said such a thing to Vi-yen, said Blackwood, who illustrated the book. But the family has always talked about how there are two ways to join a family — through childbirth or adoption.
At the beginning of the adoption process, Sage said, ''I want a sister. I want a sister,'' Blackwood said. ''Then the reality of a screaming sister isn't always what you hoped for.''
There can be feelings that ''you came the other way and you get more attention'' and ''I'm a kid who was just born the regular way.'' For instance, Vi-yen has a box of mementos from China, which makes Sage wonder, ''Why don't I have a box of things from the hospital?''
And from Vi-yen's view, there are times that she treats her arrangement as if it's a temporary one. Sometimes, when she doesn't get her way, she'll say, ''Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going back to China,'' her mom said. ''Well, I say, 'Good luck with that.' ''
More adoptions
These are topics more and more families are confronting, as the number of international adoptions continues to grow.
In 2007, 20,700 children were adopted by American families, according to the U.S. State Department. Between 1971 and 2007, Americans adopted about 375,000 children from other countries, most (about 215,000) from Asia.
In the book, as the younger daughter struggles to understand her sister's taunts, she seeks out her father, who explains that her birth mother in China gave her her smile, though she couldn't take care of her.
''Please, my dear one,
Don't ever be sad.
You were 'Made in China,'
so I'd be your dad.''
The book ends with an image of the sisters playing Frisbee together, a smile on the younger one's face.
''I wanted the book to convey the feeling — from beginning to end — 'you are very special,' '' Blackwood said.
Adoption honoree
Oelschlager likes to say that she ''usually writes about what I know about.'' She's written books about her husband, Jim's, use of a wheelchair because of multiple sclerosis. She's written about the bee phobia of a grandson. And now she's written about international adoption.
She and her husband also founded the Oak Adoptive Health Center at Akron Children's Hospital in 2004. In 2007, she received the Congressional Angels in Adoption Award for her commitment to promoting adoption.
All profits from Made in China will go to Holt International, an adoption agency that also provides foster care and medical care for orphaned children in Bulgaria, China, Ethiopia, Haiti, India, Korea, the Philippines, Thailand, Ukraine and Vietnam.
The book can be bought at the VanitaBooks Web site, http://www.mygrampy.net, as well as http://www.amazon.com, http://www.barnesandnoble.com and some area bookstores.
Dr. Ellen Kempf, medical director of the Oak Adoptive Health Center, gives the book a glowing review.
''Making families is hard. It's not supposed to be easy. Kids say things. This is a story about working it out,'' she said.
And two kids playing Frisbee together — even though they were born on opposite sides of the globe — can teach us all something.
''If we would all just play together, we'd make the world a smaller place and we'd only be better for it,'' Kempf said.
Tracy Wheeler can be reached at 330-996-3721 or tawheeler@thebeaconjournal.com.
Anyone who's had a brother or sister knows that sibling relationships can be complex, with love and compassion often shoved aside by bickering, teasing, taunting, jealousy and anger.
Get the full article here.
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