Well, we’ve finally solved that pesky education problem that has been dogging us for decades.
Because 68 percent of third-graders in the Canton school district can’t read, the school board has cut two days off the school year. That will enable the teachers to be taught how to teach reading.
Yep, the fault is entirely with the teachers. And two more days of teacher training will surely fix that right up.
When one school board member wondered aloud during last week’s meeting whether two fewer school days would be advantageous to the struggling pupils, the superintendent said the end of the school year is a time for “transition activities” and is not “rich with instructional activities.”
Apparently, no transitional period will be required now that those two days have disappeared.
Lord have mercy.
Not sure whether it was a Freudian Slip, but this viewer got quite a chuckle out of a goof in a live report by A.J. Ross of WKYC (Channel 3) about the ongoing controversy over “Chief Yahoo.”
A Beacon Journal story last week said Kent State will offer its students a vehicle-sharing service called Zipcars.
Bob: Am I the only one who thinks Akron U should do the same thing and call it a Flashcar?
Dale: Yes, you are. But someone else had a similar idea. See below.
Bob: I can’t possibly be the only one to write about the article about Zipcars ... in Kent. Shouldn’t they be called “Flashcars” instead?
What would Zippy say?
Stephanie: I don’t speak Kangaroo, but I think Zippy would appreciate you having his back. Or his pouch. Whatever.
Pushing the demo
Bob: Today I received in the mail a substantial subscription discount. It reads:
“MARKET RESEARCH TEST DISCOUNT
“Dear Dorothy G. Shinn,
“In an effort to expand the demographic profile of our readers, Playboy is pleased to offer you a special one-year (12 issue) discounted test rate of $12. That’s a discount total of $67.90 off the annual cover price of $79.90.”
Have I visited too many porn sites, or has Hugh finally found me? It only took him 70 years.
Should I subscribe and have it delivered to my box at the ABJ? That way it can be passed around and others can enjoy my deep discount.
Yours in journalism,
Art & Architecture critic
Dottie: Didn’t your mother warn you about surfing porn sites?
Interesting marketing strategy. I don’t think it stands much chance of success, but Playboy is probably getting desperate these days, given the amount of skin that is available free on the Internet.
However, this does seem to require further investigation. So yes, please do subscribe and have it delivered to your mailbox. I’ll make sure it is circulated.
(Note to Human Resources: I’ll save you some time. My extension is 3580.)
A reader phoned and wanted me to do something about the fact that nobody manufactures brown duct tape.
She said she needed that color to repair a piece of furniture.
Question: If you’re fixing your furniture with duct tape, does the color really matter?
Montville Township apparently has a time limit on foreplay.
“Law officers were called to a Medina Road gas station after a clerk complained that a couple in a white Buick Riviera had been ‘making out’ for two hours. The couple was asked to move on.”
As we reported a few days ago, Gov. John Kasich will deliver this year’s State of the State speech in Medina, complete with a convening of a joint session of the House and Senate. One of the focal points will be House Speaker Bill Batchelder, who is retiring at the end of the year after nearly half a century of service.
Rumor has it all three Democrats in Medina County will be taken into protective custody.
From our friends in Wayne County:
“A Wooster woman, 28, was arrested at a residence in the 400 block of Spink Street on charges of assault and harassment with bodily substance.”
No information was immediately available about the type of bodily substance in question — which is probably for the best.
Truth in advertising
Reader Scott Dority spotted a license plate near Medina, took a photo and emailed it to his favorite columnist with the note, “How did this slip by BMV scrutiny?”
Good question. The state’s Special Plates Review Committee is generally pretty squeamish, but it allowed a Lexus owner to proclaim “GOT BS.”
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or firstname.lastname@example.org.