With Thanksgiving just over the horizon, you don’t need anything heavy. So here are some low-cal morsels.
If the razor-thin defeat suffered by Akron Municipal Court Judge Katarina Cook holds up after a recount, perhaps challenger Jon Oldham should give partial credit to Facebook.
On the eve of the election, Cook’s Facebook page read:
“The Voting Poles will be open tomorrow from 6:30 a.m. until 7:30 p.m. Please go vote to KEEP Judge Katarina Cook!”
The Voting Poles? Sounds like a European rock band.
As for the many other incumbents who lost last week ... perhaps they just didn’t put enough spin on their achievements. They should have hired Time Warner Cable.
Somebody at TWC has mastered the art of the euphemism.
Why, to hear the company tell it, Time Warner never makes a move just to bring in more money.
Only 16 months ago, Time Warner sent a missive to select Internet customers informing them that they would either have to shell out a bunch of money to buy a new modem or start paying a monthly fee to rent one from TWC.
The letter read: “Our records indicate that the modem you are currently using is no longer supported by its manufacturer and needs to be exchanged. Effective June 30, 2012, this modem will stop functioning and you will not have access to the Internet.”
No, my modem was not about to “stop functioning.” TWC was “turning it off.” My modem would have continued to function just fine if TWC hadn’t pulled its plug.
Then, this month — a little more than a year later — some of those same customers opened a letter that said, “The credit you have been receiving on your monthly statement for supplying your own modem will be discontinued as we standardize our Internet modem lease policy.”
Well, thank the Lord you are “standardizing” your modem lease policy. As a customer, that is far more important to me than the $56 I spent last year when you decided I needed a new modem.
Police report from Brunswick:
“An officer driving on Hickory Ridge Avenue noticed a woman squatting next to a vehicle on Stearns Street with her pants pulled down. She tried to drive off. Then she told police that the wet mark on the pavement was the result of her pouring out a beer can. She later admitted to urinating on a public roadway.”
Now there’s the kind of thinking that could give drinking and driving a bad name.
Cat got his tongue
Dick Goddard took a pounding the other day from radio legend Howard Stern.
Although Stern identified Goddard only as “a Cleveland weatherman,” anyone in Northeast Ohio who was tuned to Stern’s satellite station instantly recognized the voice.
On the recording, the veteran weatherman repeatedly goes hoarse, coughs, clears his throat and apologizes. Stern demanded to know why people in those situations don’t simply throw the show back to the news anchors rather than continuing to gag away, driving viewers crazy.
Not a bad question.
Against my better judgment, I will once again briefly address the new name of Akron’s one and only minor league baseball team.
You know, the team whose fans will soon be singing:
Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd.
Buy me some peanuts and Quackerjack ...
Did you catch the Associated Press story about this year’s inductees to the Toy Hall of Fame in Rochester, N.Y.? If not, the Class of 2013 contains only two members: the game of chess and, yes, the rubber duck.
I had no idea team owner Ken Babby was that influential.
I also wonder what Bobby Fischer would think about his game being classified as a “toy.”
Meanwhile, Beacon Journal copy editor Mark J. Price thinks we’re seeing a classic case of trademark infringement:
“I dare you to send the Akron RubberDucks logo to the legal team at Warner Bros. Clearly, that’s a Daffy Duck with road rage.”
And reader Chuck Rissmiller of Stow chimed in with this:
“Why do the [Baltimore] Ravens and the Akron RubberDucks have to be so angry? Notice the similarity in their decals.”
An NFL football player must be angry to play well. The same does not hold true for a baseball player. Maybe the RubberDucks had to overcompensate for naming the team after a bath toy.
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or firstname.lastname@example.org.