Feels like a miscellaneous kind of day, doesn’t it?
So here is some miscellaneous stuff for your dining pleasure. It’s fast, easy and nonfattening.
Lots of groups stage “haunted houses,” but usually they wait unit October, and usually the ghosts involve dead people.
Enter the Barberton Historical Society. That ever-creative group is holding a benefit “paranormal conference and evening ghost hunt” Saturday at the old Anna Dean Farm.
The daylong bash will include after-dark ghost hunts at the Piggery, Feed Barn and Colt Barn.
So I guess we’re beckoning restless spirits belonging to pigs, goats and horses, eh?
At your service
An older woman phoned a Beacon Journal editor this week and left the following on his voice mail:
“Yeah — I have a good question for you that I will ask you if somebody at that Beacon Journal calls me back today.
“This is 330-654-[xxxx], and I swear to God you can’t get anybody on the phone unless they can see you standing on your head and spittin’ nickels out of your nose.
“I hope you call me back sometime today and I hope I’m able to talk to you on the phone about not helping my husband pee. Thank you.”
Creative mea culpa
Plenty of businesses would benefit by adopting this philosophy: When you goof, admit it immediately and, if appropriate, with humor.
That’s what West Point Market did this week when it corrected an earlier mass emailing that advertised a tasting session for Tikal wines.
The original message focused on the “Australian” wine that originates in “the nearby snow-capped Andes.”
More than one potential patron thought that geography smelled a bit fishy, and suggested that perhaps the country in question was Argentina, not Australia. So the next day, West Point sent a second missive:
“Thank you to those who alerted us yesterday to a 6,202-nautical-mile proofreading error. Hope to see you anyway to share a Tikal wine with us in good company and good humor.”
Bob: I realize that in order to save newsprint, newspapers are using creative writing and shrinkage. Just take a look at the Sunday comic section. I have to keep a magnifying glass on the table to read some of the strips.
It seems that using letters instead of names is now the way to go. In another newspaper, I saw these headlines:
1. “OOGEEP training facility prepares firefighters.”
2. “Area OSU Band members work hard to keep spots on TBDBITL.”
3. And, in an advertisement for Roto-Rooter, “When DIY becomes OMG.”
Would this be a new course at, say, the University of Akron? DWRIOLI — “Don’t Write It Out, Letter It.” (Pronounced “Duh Wryolli 101.”)
Dean: QBMAGMTL (Quit Bothering Me and Go Mow the Lawn).
Who doesn’t know that OOGEEP is the Ohio Oil & Gas Energy Education Program and that OSU is Oregon State University?
You are squandering my precious space and giving me shrinkage.
When the remains of a body in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park were identified as belonging to a 19-year-old Akron woman who had been missing for four months after vanishing under suspicious circumstances, WJW (Channel 8) concluded its report by saying, “Foul play is suspected.”
Bob: I’m asking you to join me in mourning the demise of a word that has stood us in good stead for a long time. That word is “take.”
I’m referring to people who say, “I’m going to bring my child to school and bring my clothes to the cleaner.”
I know it’s not a very important rant, but when did “bring” take the place of “take”?
Jim: I only sanction rants that are vitally important. Such as the demise of the word “farther,” which I will address in an upcoming column further down the line.
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or email@example.com.