If a college did not have a cross-country team running through the forest when a tree fell, would it still make a mascot?
Fortunately, the Northeast Ohio Medical University has provided an answer to that age-old conundrum.
Yes, it would.
It would have a mascot even if it didn’t have a single athletic team.
Not sure why, but that’s a yes.
NEOMED, in Rootstown, is determined to join all of the other institutions of higher learning that boast weird, fuzzy creatures running around with people inside.
The medical school formerly known as NEOUCOM is soliciting suggestions — and, boy, won’t this be fun?
“How about a giant rubber glove?” piped up one newsroom wag when he heard about the contest.
I’m going with Tony the Tongue Depressor.
You may be wondering, as I was, what a mascot would do if a mascot didn’t have any athletic events to mascot at.
Wonder no more. The college’s Ignite magazine says its mascot “will pop up around campus for special events, random hallway prize handouts, photo shoots and more.”
Deadline for submissions is Nov. 15. The name will be chosen by spring.
To enter, go to www.neomed.edu/mascot.
Kent talk station WNIR (100.1-FM) will not soon become affiliated with National Public Radio, but changes are afoot.
I almost drove off the road the other day when I heard a caller to the midday show use the word “extrapolated.”
Despite his on-air nickname, John “Couchburner” Denning is clearly smarter than the average bear. In fact, he sounds way too intelligent, educated and well-read to be anywhere near WNIR.
If he’s not more careful, he might end up with NPR ratings.
I pray they’ll be selling dictionaries.
The Walmart on Hudson Drive in Stow, which is being remade into a Supercenter, has been blanketed with curious signs.
They urge the public to attend “Walmart’s grand opening of it’s [sic] recently remolded [sic] and expansion to a Walmart Supercenter.”
Would the mold be Cladosporium, Penicillium, Alternaria or Aspergillus?
Will the mold be included in the expansion as well?
Reader Angel Goodwin says she mentioned the blunders to a manager, who merely shrugged.
If you’re not worried about inhaling spores, the big opening will be 7:30 a.m. Oct. 3.
Did you see that my old pal Omar Vizquel, playing his final season at the age of 45, passed Babe Ruth last week on the all-time hits list?
I sent him a congratulatory email — adding that he only needs 634 more home runs this month to catch the Babe in that category, too.
His response can’t be printed in a family newspaper.
The beginning of a news release sent by a California PR firm to my Beacon Journal email account nine days after Labor Day:
“As we head into the Halloween treat, holiday feast and New Year diet resolution seasons …”
Reader Joseph Platek enjoyed my recent item about the license plate UPYURS, which was recalled by the Bureau of Motor Vehicles after I asked how it escaped the attention of the vanity plate police.
“After reading your column,” he wrote, “I was reminded of a curious Ohio plate I had seen awhile back sporting the numbers 4 20.
“It seems that the Special Plates Review Committee missed this one too — unless, of course, they were out at 4:20 getting high on cannabis during the universal smoking time and decided instead it was a good idea.”
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or firstname.lastname@example.org.