The fact Akron Mayor Don Plusquellic has yet to deliver a State of the City address, which he has done every year after his first in office, 1987 — the same year, by the way, the stock market crashed and Prozac debuted — got me to wondering.
Is Don reluctant to mount a big speech because both of his primary speech writers, retired deputy mayor Dave Lieberth and fired press secretary Mark Williamson, are no longer around to massage the text?
Or, is it simply that Don has run out of things to say?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
That’s a “ha” for every State of the City speech. And that is indeed one hilarious concept.
Don Plusquellic running out of things to say?
When Niagara Falls runs out of water. When Vegas starts losing to its customers. When Luigi’s stops selling pizza.
Clearly, something else must be afoot.
Several things, Plusquellic says — none of them sinister.
Typically, he gives his speech early in the year. But this January he underwent surgery, and then both Summit County Executive Russ Pry and Akron schools Superintendent David James chose February dates for their annual addresses.
In mid-March, the Greater Akron Chamber held its big banquet, at which Plusquellic received the H. Peter Burg Award, accompanied by a long recitation of his achievements in front of a lot of the same folks who attend State of the City addresses.
The mayor says he considered later dates but kept bumping into other things.
He says he actually has a speech 80 to 90 percent written. If he completes it, he says, he might just mail it out, rather than rounding up the usual suspects once again.
“There’s no other hidden reason or mysterious hocus-pocus going on,” he insists.
Careful reader Dave Smith was puzzled by a recent headline that read, “Toledo inmate’s death is third one in a year.”
His response: “I wonder how he died the other two times.”
Here to serve
The customary titles are “publicist,” “PR consultant” or “marketing expert.” The derogatory term is “flack.” Well, now we have a new one to add to the list: “reputation coordinator.”
We kid thee not.
A woman who works for a San Diego firm identified herself that way when she sent us a “news release” about a client who operates “ecoATMs,” automated kiosks that buy back used phones, tablets and MP3 players.
“Is this something you would be interested in covering in any business, eco-friendly or money-saving roundups?” she inquired.
Absolutely. All three.
She further suggested that we would be wise to tie our story to the release of the iPhone 5S next month.
No problem. We’d do anything to help her reputate her clients.
Domestic violence is no laughing matter.
Well, at least most of the time. A police report from Brunswick seems worthy of a quick, sick smile.
Seems a fellow got into an argument with his girlfriend and things escalated. Eventually, she ripped the thermostat off his wall and hit him in the chest with it.
The alleged assailant’s middle name? Snow White.
Reader Matt Sunkin, who last fall drew our attention to an interesting Ohio license plate —TRUCKYA — has spotted another one that inexplicably made it through the normally uptight members of the Special Plates Review Committee in Columbus.
That would be the same committee that has nixed such bland vanity plates as “NEATFRK,” “DEEPDO” and “IGOTGAS.”
This time, Sunkin emailed a photo of a plate that reads: “BIG SEXZ.”
“Is there any consistency in the Special Plates approval process?” he asks.
Clearly a rhetorical question.
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or email@example.com.