Even though this has been a record-settingly bad winter, our area is not lacking in really fun things to do.
On Friday, for instance, Summa’s City Hospital is staging an event guaranteed to warm the cockles of our semifrozen hearts.
To be staged in the lobby of the Brennan Critical Care Tower, it will be an educational walk — specifically, some strollin’ through the colon.
Think I’m joking?
Visitors will hike through a 12-foot-long inflatable “colon” while learning how to cut the risks of colorectal cancer.
Now, I would like to avoid colorectal cancer as much as the next guy, but I’m not sure I need to stroll through anybody’s colon to do it.
If that event doesn’t trip your trigger, you can always wait for March 22, when the city of Green will hold its first “Taxpayer Appreciation Day.”
City officials are encouraging residents to file early and enticing them by an event at the tax office on that date, a Saturday, when the office is normally closed.
According to the news release, “staff will be available to answer questions and to assist taxpayers. ... Coffee and cookies will be provided while supplies last.”
In other words, if you turn in your homework early, you will be rewarded with a cookie. Until they run out.
Sold out or selling?
Bob: In [Tuesday’s] Beacon, the Indians proudly announced that the home opener sold out in 15 minutes, the 22nd consecutive home-opener sellout and the 21st at Progressive Field. Fans were then informed that they could STILL attend by purchasing a full-season ticket package.
Along with securing an effective “closer” for the season, maybe the Tribe should invest in a new dictionary.
Denny: Either that or buy an asterisk. The fine print would say, “Completely sold out in a mere 15 minutes except for thousands of tickets we held back to try to blackmail people into shelling out huge bucks for season tickets.”
Speaking of baseball ....
Loved the caption on the big photo on the front page of Wednesday’s newspaper.
The picture showed a young woman with a tape measure checking the height of the Akron RubberDucks’ mascot, a fuzzy cat with a giant head.
The caption read: “... intern Hannah Mothersbaugh (right) checks the height of ... the mascot Orbit ....”
Just in case you couldn’t differentiate between a young woman with long, dark hair and a big fake cat.
Dogging the carriers
One reader — and he may be the only one — thought Tuesday’s column about dogs attacking mail carriers wasn’t sufficiently sympathetic to dogs.
That opinion came from a most unlikely source: a former mail carrier.
Akron’s Eddie Vidmar toted letters for eight years and was a fill-in supervisor for two of them. He insists dog incidents have “two sides.”
“Let’s say the carrier who delivers on Dyer Drive normally gets to your house at about 11 a.m.,” he writes. “You go out to wash your car at 2, peek into your mailbox, find no mail, and assume you have no mail that day. Given that information, you let your two Rottweilers out to stretch their legs.
“Now, here comes the mailman at 2:15, delivering your mail three hours later than normal, for whatever reason.
“While it is true that Akron has a leash law, you also probably have the ability to maintain reasonable control of your dogs unless someone walks into your yard. Your dogs, protecting their property, bite the mailman.
“You kept your dogs inside for three hours after normal delivery time. Your mailman was late. How is that really your fault?”
Well, because you didn’t keep your dog leashed, which the law requires.
But, says Vidmar, regular folks simply don’t keep their dogs leashed every moment of every day, and the post office needs to take that into consideration.
The time issue often arises when both a regular carrier and his or her normal backup, the “utility carrier,” are absent. If the route involves six streets, one street is given to each of six other carriers. Once they finish their regular routes, they work the extra street for overtime.
“When I carried and took a street for overtime, I would take out the route book and look at the times for each street so I knew about when the patrons would expect me,” he says.
“It is up to the carrier to stay close to schedule to avoid this kind of event.
“It’s simply not always the customer’s fault.”
Not sure how many mail carriers would agree, but it’s an interesting viewpoint. And your favorite columnist remains dedicated to his quest to interest, amuse and entertain. And get paid.
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or email@example.com.