Over the years, the state of Ohio has banned some incredibly inoffensive license plates.
The marching orders for the Special Plates Review Committee are to protect us from vanity plates that contain “profanity, offensiveness or phrases that could incite lawlessness.”
Somehow, those guidelines have ensnared such mild statements as RX4FUN, DEEPDO, IGOTGAS and NEATFRK.
But some of the ones that manage to sneak through are even bigger head-scratchers. A friend spotted this plate the other day in Montrose:
A spokeswoman for the Bureau of Motor Vehicles, Lindsey Bohrer, confirms the existence of the plate. She says a man ordered it in May via the Oplates website.
Bohrer was surprised, saying, “We will move forward with recalling the plate.”
In other words, UPHIS.
Sad to say, but there is a movement afoot to strip me of my self-proclaimed title of Director of Positive Publicity for Unfairly Maligned Greater Akron.
It comes in the wake of a column in which I went hunting for Akron souvenirs for a tourist who couldn’t find any.
Among my suggestions for the Arkansas woman was a T-shirt with a big “8,” representing “an Akron interstate.” The highway is, of course, a state route.
As reader Christopher Clem put it:
“How dare you leave our only tourist with the false impression that Greater Akron merits more interstates than it actually has.
“I suggest that the propagation of such untruthful puffery merits the commencement of impeachment proceedings forthwith.”
A search of the Beacon Journal’s electronic database, which goes all the way back to 1985, shows that I have referred to that highway as “state Route 8” exactly 90 times. I have not once referred to it as an interstate.
Until last week.
I attribute the problem to a brief case of temporary insanity brought on by the stress of carrying a title whose acronym is DOPPFUMGA.
(Probably couldn’t get that onto an Ohio license plate.)
Also, about 20 billion readers told me I should have gone to Mary Coyle in Highland Square to find postcards.
Owner Michael Trecaso says he has about 25,000 postcards in stock, including more than 9,000 showing Goodyear blimps.
Not that old
One of the sponsors for Steve French’s consistently outstanding sports reports on WNIR (100.1-FM) is a car dealer whom French identifies as being located in “historic Garrettsville.”
What’s so historic about Garrettsville? It wasn’t even incorporated until 1864, well into the Civil War.
The city of Akron already had been incorporated for 28 years. And nobody ever calls Akron “historic.”
I suppose “quiet” Garrettsville or “rural” Garrettsville isn’t quite as compelling.
Bob Stroud of Cuyahoga Falls says he has figured out a way to dodge campaign calls.
When he gets one, he enters the number into the electronic phone book of his cordless phone, using names such as “Idiot 1,” “Idiot 2” and “Butthead,” and when that caller comes around again, he knows not to answer.
Unfortunately, there’s no way to rid yourself of unsolicited political calls — even robocalls — because they’re not part of the Federal Communication Commission’s “do not call” list.
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or firstname.lastname@example.org.