Akron City Hall apparently has a different definition of “new” than the rest of us.
Go to the city’s website (www.ci.akron.oh.us), click on the word “new” and you’ll arrive at a page headed, “What’s New.”
There you will find a list of 96 “new” things.
The most recent new thing was posted Feb. 19 — of 2008.
Seriously. The newest of the new (a story about the hiring of an independent police auditor) is 5 years old.
The second-newest item is from 2007, and the third newest is from 2004. Some of them date to 1998, such as an announcement of the creation of a women’s pro fastpitch team.
Cutting-edge stuff, eh?
If the city no longer has enough people to maintain that part of the website, at least somebody could change the heading.
“What’s Old” is probably not ideal. Perhaps, if we were to take the glass half-full approach, we could go with “Stuff That Used To Be New.”
A police report from always dangerous Stow:
“A manager of Taco Bell on Kent Road reported Feb. 19 that a naked man came into the store several times.”
Of course he did. He didn’t have any pockets for carrying out his straws, napkins and hot sauce.
More hair fun
After one reader pointed out the irony of the story about the Amish who forced a bad haircut on some other Amish folks named Mullet, another joker, this one unidentified, left me this voice mail:
“Have you ever seen an Amish haircut? Even the good ones should be considered hate crimes.”
Reader Bob McCann appreciated another reader’s quip about the resigning pope being offered a one-year minor league contract with the Indians. He wanted to pass along another sports- and pope-related laugh he heard on the radio.
If you’re not a serious fan of pro football, you probably won’t get this one. But if you are, you’ll likely enjoy it.
“It has been reported that Romeo Crennel was on the way to the Vatican to interview for the pope position so that there would be compliance with the Rooney Rule.”
OK, this is the last time on this issue.
“I’m pretty sure this is the reason the North Hill snowplow driver was plowing a dry street: When they showed him his job description, they left the ‘S’ off the word ‘snowplow,’ ” writes Therese Hacket.
“He either thought he was a ‘now plow’ driver, meaning ‘plow now,’ whether there is any snow or not, or a ‘no plow’ driver, meaning make sure you don’t actually plow anything.”
Bob: [A recent] paper came complete with an oil-change advertising sticker pasted upon it. The sticker was above the fold, obscuring some front-page journalism. Does this mean:
A.) The sticker is the newspaper equivalent of an Internet pop up, and, if so, can I get some kind of pop-up blocker?
B.) We don’t have very high regard for our own content.
Dave, Dave, Dave. Even the finest journalistic product of our era, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, is accompanied by massive amounts of advertising. I don’t hear you complaining about that.
We could cite myriad reasons why health-care costs are so high in this country, but here’s one of them:
Akron resident Robert Shearer recently received a reimbursement check from his insurance company, Medical Mutual, for 1 cent.
A penny. As in “$0.01,” as it says on the check.
Are you the least bit surprised Shearer has no plans to cash it?
Lori Prather has enjoyed reading about some of the Ohio license plates that have managed to slip through the state’s Special Plates Review Committee. The other day, she spotted one herself.
“I followed a car for a few miles and was trying to figure out their vanity plate the whole time. We stopped at a traffic light and it suddenly hit me, and I couldn’t believe it was accepted.”
The plate: HAFFAST
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or firstname.lastname@example.org.