Time is short. We are losing an entire hour of our lives on Sunday when the time changes.
So today I’m going to deliver these vitally important items in rapid succession.
LETTING IT FLY
With the arrival of spring training for the major leagues, our thoughts turn to … chewing tobacco.
OK, maybe not. But at least one reader can’t get it out of his mind.
The man was writing in response to a long-ago column in which another reader — noting that Hue Jackson was coaching the Browns and Tyronn Lue was coaching the Cavs — suggested the Indians hire a manager named Dew so that our three major sports teams would be run by Huey, Dewey and Luey.
Here’s an alternate plan.
Bob: Huey and Luey are OK. But for the Indians manager, why not name him “CHEWY”?
Every time the TV cameras are pointed at [Terry Francona], he is either drinking water, spitting or chewing like a mother cow in heat with a big bull approaching.
He is the most disgusting person I have ever witnessed in a public setting.
Ron: Well, I personally have witnessed public behavior that is a lot more disgusting than that — mostly by friends of mine.
But, yes, close-ups of the Tribe skipper can make you lose your appetite for peanuts and Cracker Jack.
This came in response to a column questioning how anyone could think Cavs star Kyrie Irving was serious when he claimed the Earth is flat.
Bob: Kyrie is right. His flat world is 94 feet long and has a guy from out of this world named LeBron James feeding him shots.
A colleague asked, “Now that we no longer have FirstMerit to kick around [after the Huntington Bank takeover], what ever will become of FirstMerit Circle, a short street off Dart Avenue behind Akron General Medical Center?”
Easy. That street should be renamed PNC Parkway.
Wait … what?
The football budget at Ohio State clearly has grown too large. How else to explain the letter that OSU addressed to:
HEAD FOOTBALL COACH
Our Lady of the Elms High Sch
1375 W. Exchange St.
Akron, Ohio 44313
Seriously. The envelope, dated March 2, carried the official OSU Football logo on the upper left. It arrived Wednesday.
Um, wouldn’t the word “Lady” kind of telegraph the fact that it’s an all-girls school?
The Elms had great fun with this on its Facebook page, where it posted the envelope and a phrase that has been used for years on T-shirts:
Among the comments posted by alumni and parents:
“When we went to track meets in high school, the teams would say, ‘Where are your boys?’ I would always reply that they’re at football.”
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or firstname.lastname@example.org. He also is on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bob.dyer.31.