Do you prefer odds or ends?
Doesn’t matter. Today you’re getting both.
Bob: Regarding the Browns’ search for a quarterback in this year’s draft, I’m reminded of an old admonition by Mr. T: “Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”
Perhaps collegiate quarterbacks with any eligibility left should think long and hard before leaving school for the NFL and a possible draft notice from the Browns. Seems the only NFL record the Browns unquestionably hold is the number of quarterbacks injured in one season.
Steve: What, you’re saying most teams don’t lose four quarterbacks during the first five weeks? Which teams are you watching? All the rest of them? Oh.
Bob: Always a bit of a kerfuffle when a newspaper decides to drop a comic. It’s disappointing though that the ABJ is dropping Tank McNamara to “publish more sports results.”
While I realize that the Browns will try to fill the void for comic relief created, the explanation seems a bit like ‘alternative facts.’ Wasn’t the real reason to save money?
Courageous, however, to make the announcement while Tank is taking nominations for the Sports Jerk of the Year.
Bill: I think we’re clearing cap space so we can bring in a big-time free agent cartoon character.
Bob: Tuesday’s column [about an organization addressing a news release to Beacon Journal Editor Paul Poorman, who retired 31 years ago] was perfect timing.
In Monday’s mail, I got an envelope addressed to my son’s ex-wife, who remarried 10 years ago ... never lived here ... and has been in Hawaii for at least 15 years.
I didn’t forward it except to the trash can. I thought about sending it back to the originator but decided it wasn’t worth it.
Elias: You blew it. I know from previous emails that you are retired. Time is no object. Think how much fun you could have had writing all of that info on the envelope and sending it back!
Beacon Journal Managing Editor Doug Oplinger has been out of action for a while after undergoing surgery. (I’m told it was a brain implant that didn’t take.)
One of the ways Doogie is amusing himself, apparently, is by reading his workplace email. The other day, he got a beauty, which he forwarded to his favorite columnist.
“I’m getting in contact from the Heat Holders press team with regards to starting a partnership with you, as we have some great products for either review or potential giveaway.
“Heat Holders are a leading thermal sock brand who are yet to be beaten on quality or price. Whether you suffer from poor circulation or just want a bit of extra warmth during the coldest months of the year, Heat Holders unique 2.34 tog rated products will be sure to keep you toasty! ...
“With your circulation figures of 82,054, it would be great to get some form of coverage with your publication, either as part of a gear round-up, product review or reader giveaway.
“I look forward to hearing from you soon.
While forwarding the missive, Oplinger noted:
“Yessir, the burning question for a 65-year-old managing editor worried about lead in the pipes in his community, a heroin epidemic, plummeting household income, health care for millions of Americans, increasing tension with Iran, the continuing viability of democracy, today is: ‘How can I form a partnership for socks and joint warmers?’
“Only joint I want to warm has good Scotch.
“Yours in long underwear ... .”
I thought he was going to go in a different direction with the term “joint warmer,” but I probably couldn’t have used that anyway.
Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or email@example.com. To find his podcast, “Dyer Necessities,” go to www.ohio.com/dyer. He also is on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bob.dyer.31.