Whoever typed the initial post on News 5 Cleveland’s website the other day apparently got a little rattled while reading a story about a groundbreaking medical procedure.

He or she typed, “The first successful male genitals has happened.”

Well, no, I believe those have been happening for quite some time.

What is new and different is that a U.S. Army veteran who had his genitals blown off by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan received the transplant of a donated penis and scrotum.

The 11 surgeons who worked on him during a 14-hour procedure hope he will be able to regain all the normal functions. Which would be remarkable, indeed.

We also used the story — and received decidedly mixed reactions.

An octogenarian reader called up and said she was going to cancel her subscription because juveniles might pick up the paper and read that story, and how could we be so irresponsible? Hoo, boy.

But another reader, Michael Stranathan of New Franklin, introduced a bit of levity.

“I wonder if the donor’s parents are planning to meet with the recipient of their son’s member,” he wrote. “If so, I imagine that the conversation would go something like this: ‘I hope you and your wife get as much enjoyment out of it as my son did.’ ”

Ducking the issue

Bob: There’s a billboard at Steels Corners and State Road in Cuyahoga Falls (and probably several other locations) that promotes the RubberDucks. It says, “It’s Ducks Season!”

I’m not a hunter, but I believe “duck season” is the time in which ducks are hunted. I would think we would want our baseball team to be the “hunters” and not the “hunt-ees.”

Or is it just me?

Cari Miller

Akron

Cari: It’s just you. Some ducks carry guns. Haven’t you ever watched Howard the Duck wreak havoc? I wouldn’t mess with him.

Chemtrail fun

Your favorite columnist received plenty of angry responses to his daring stance on “chemtrails.”

I voiced the opinion that commercial and military airplanes have not spent the last several decades spraying out some sort of substance at 30,000 feet that is falling down on us and changing our lives.

The chemtrail crazies haven’t quite pinned down what the substance is, or what it does, but it is definitely designed to do one or more of the following:

Change the weather. Control our minds. Manage solar radiation. Limit population growth. Fabricate global warming stats. Slowly kill us.

The long, white trails behind jet planes are actually contrails, of course, with the “con” short for condensation.

I’m not going to regurgitate all of the looney responses, but I feel compelled to share the funniest one.

Somebody wrote, “It’s hard to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on him not understanding it.”

Yep, it’s right there in my contract: “You are prohibited from endorsing chemtrails.”

One more

This guy is a retired advertising exec whose employment contracts, like mine, prohibited him from believing in chemtrails — especially when he was a captain in the U.S. Air Force.

Bob: The chemtrail theorists must imagine the biggest conspiracy ever, since every country that flies aircraft, in every atmosphere, make contrails everywhere. There have been contrails over land and sea around the entire globe. That’s a lot of secret chemicals.

I was an Intercept Director in the Air Force — using ground radar to direct F-102 fighters to targets, both real ones (Russia’s — I was in Greenland) and practice, in which a target was towed.

Along with the normal weather information posted regularly, contrail altitudes were also indicated. Like, “Contrails 35-40,000 feet” or “Contrails dissipating (broken).”

This was needed info because a target emitting a vapor trail could be seen long before the aircraft radar picked it up. Pilots would fly to the contrail — or would avoid making them.

Spending 24 hours in total darkness, at 40 below zero, I, too, was often dissipating. After all, the good Danish Tuborg beer was only 10 cents a can in Danish Greenland!

Bob Gold

Akron

Bob: Just what I’d expect from an ad man. “I don’t always drink beer when it’s 40 below in Danish Greenland, but when I do …”

Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or bdyer@thebeaconjournal.com. He also is on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bob.dyer.31