If you read my Tuesday column, you already know that Google says I died on April 11, 2007.

I refuse to work when I’m dead. So I’m turning this column over to some of the people who used to read my stuff back in the day.

Silly signs

Bob: I always thought official road signs should inform drivers of some condition of which they should be made aware. Otherwise, they just become a distraction.

Now, since I was about 3 years old, I knew that if I was going up a hill, I couldn’t see the other side until I reached the top. I would think that anyone old enough to have a driver’s license would also already know this.

However, at various places in Medina County, there are orange signs with black letters going up hills that read: “HILL BLOCKS VIEW.”

Now I have to ask: What information does that give drivers they shouldn’t already know? So, then, aren’t they mostly a distraction?

Maybe they should change the signs to read: “THE WORLD REALLY ISN’T FLAT, BUT YOU ARE COMING TO AN EDGE OF IT ANYWAY.”

That should get attention!

Jerry Mettler

Granger Township

Jerry: I like that idea. We should include a photo of Kyrie Irving.

Odd job

Bob: Check out the personnel announcement from Smucker [in the Feb. 18 newspaper] on their new Senior VP and General Manager of ... COFFEE!

How does one get such a job? Start out in Swiss Miss and work your way up?

To apply, must be a card-carrying member of Starbucks and Dunkin’ Donuts?

And you become in charge of pouring it on ... drinking it up ... topping it off?

Sorry, Bob, already drank four cups.

Mindy Aleman

Akron

Mindy: I can tell, Mindy. This is exactly why I don’t drink coffee.

Fast company

This came in response to a column about Steve Marks, who invented and is selling the Practice Bow Tie, a color-coded tie with instructions written all over it about what part goes where and when. You watch a video, practice and then, in theory, you’re good to go.

Bob: Maybe you should get a new headshot — this time sporting a neatly tied bow tie. You’d sure look the dapper gent.

Let’s see ... I remember Garry Moore always wore one. Then there was Winston Churchill, of course. Groucho Marx, Frank Sinatra and Dave Garroway were never seen without one. Pee-wee Herman’s was always red. And let’s not forget that most famous bow tie of all ... the Playboy Bunny!

Face it, man, you’d be joining a distinguished lineup.

Craig Erskine

Stow

Craig: Dead men don’t wear ties.

Going national

Bob: “American Pickers” filmed an episode with P.R. Miller in Akron back in August and it’s scheduled to air at 9 p.m. Monday on the History Channel.

Carrie Herman

Akron

Carrie: OK, I’ll give him a plug. P.R. is one of my all-time favorite eccentric artists. And that covers a lot of ground.

Heavy traffic

Bob: Possible story tip for you.

Has anyone ever described what I call the Great West Akron Crow Migration? I just saw today’s version for myself.

Every evening between about 5:30 and 6, we can see hundreds, if not thousands, of crows flying over our house on Crosby Street (about 2 miles from Highland Square) from the north.

They actually seem to come from various points east and west of our part of Akron. They seem to congregate in the tens of thousands in the trees in Glendale Cemetery and the woods near Five Points and the zoo. Every night.

Then, in the morning, about 7 a.m., they “fly to work” and reverse the migration. I don’t have a clue where they go or what they do when they get there.

What do crows do? Scavenge, I suppose. Anyway, it’s like being in that Alfred Hitchcock movie “The Birds”!

David Dobo

Akron

David: I’d make a crack about seeing some odd birds on the sidewalks in Highland Square, but that would surely come back to peck me.

Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or bdyer@thebeaconjournal.com. He also is on Facebook at www.facebook.com/bob.dyer.31