How many state representatives does it take to announce a modest grant? The same number it takes to rescind the announcement 14 minutes later.

That would be two.

Zach Milkovich, D-Akron, and Vernon Sykes, D-Akron, both sent out electronic news releases crowing about their successful effort to land $37,000 for the University of Akron to study electrospinning techniques for reusable adhesives. (Don’t ask.)

Almost immediately, both of them sent out a second announcement: Nevermind.

The wording wasn’t that blunt, of course. They said their offices “were just notified that this Controlling Board item has been deferred.”

Might be nice to pin that down before celebrating.

Time capsule

What’s wrong with the media these days? How could everyone have completely ignored the 30th anniversary of the blockbuster movie The Instructor, shot in and around Akron?

As you surely remember, the feature film won six Academy Awards and grossed $550 million worldwide.

OK, maybe not. Maybe it was seen by 12 people who were really into karate and car chases, then quickly moved on to that big film vault in the sky.

But watching clips from The Instructor today offers a fun glimpse of Greater Akron in the early 1980s. We see the heart of downtown as well as Firestone Park, the Portage Lakes, South Akron, Memorial Parkway and a host of other places. The chases roar past such obsolete signs as Sohio (now BP) and Click (now Acme), and also remind us how radically car designs change.

About 18 minutes of the movie are posted in two parts on YouTube. To find them, type “the instructor Akron 1983” in the search box.

Don Bendell, a Tallmadge High grad who went on to serve in the Special Forces and become a karate instructor, made the film.

Don’t expect to be dazzled. As Beacon Journal critic Rich Heldenfels once noted, “The acting is poor, the fight scenes so-so at best and the plot nothing to speak of.”

Actually, Rich was being kind.

Take a stand

If you ask me — nobody did, but it’s my column, so I can ask myself anything — filling out more than one bracket in your NCAA office pool is downright un-American.

Is this a double-elimination tournament for the teams? It is not. They get one chance. Win or go home. If the teams have to put all of their eggs in one Easter basket, you should, too.

He’s possessed

The other day I wondered in print why so many people mispronounce the name of a dining/entertainment facility that has been operating in Akron for 65 years.

It’s Tangier. No “S.”

Well, Al Segedy thinks he knows why.

“The old established restaurants in Akron almost always had names such as Sanginiti’s, Iacomini’s, Gareri’s, Marcel’s, Swenson’s, Lanning’s, Dontino’s, Luigi’s, etc., etc., etc.

“It is only natural for an Akronite to add the ‘S’ to the end of a restaurant name. I realize that Tangier has been owned by the George family and not Fred Tangier. Nevertheless, we are compelled for euphony to add the ‘S’ sound, somewhat as we must say ‘devil’s strip’ for the tree lawn, as the outlanders call it.

“I would further suggest that we are not calling it the plural ‘Tangiers,’ but rather the possessive ‘Tangier’s’ — as if Fred Tangier were, in fact, the owner. ...

“We are only being consistent.”

Fred would be pleased. May he rest in peace.

Easy diet

Michael Bloomberg would have a conniption if he read the “Nutrition Facts” on the back of Acme’s Old Fashioned Jalapeno Kettle Cooked Potato Chips.

The bag, when empty, measures nearly 9½ inches wide and 14½ inches high. But the information on the back says, “Servings Per Container: 1.”

“My ultimate dream!” exclaimed a colleague, noting he could eat the entire bag for the bargain-basement price of 140 calories.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was merely a typo.

Right at home

During a traffic stop, a 48-year-old Wadsworth man was arrested on drug warrants. The man lives on High Street.

Six months late

Clearly, I’m not contributing enough money to my alma mater to keep things running smoothly.

On March 21, my mailman delivered a newsletter from the “W Association,” an alumni organization for former College of Wooster athletes. It featured “winter previews” — for example, preseason write-ups on the men’s and women’s basketball teams.

The men’s season ended March 16. The women’s ended Feb. 16.

Overly formal

Jim Young of Fairlawn is pretty sure the sign right next to the men’s room at the Winking Lizard near Summit Mall actually refers to the nearby door to an outdoor dining deck. But the sign’s location, directly below a sign reading “MEN,” certainly invites misinterpretation:

“Please see a host inside for seating.”

Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or bdyer@thebeaconjournal.com.